He knows Chad's words were a lie, knows they were just said to get his hopes up and make Kevin feel bad. Chad has or had no intention of ever telling Michelle anything. Kevin even doubts that Michelle has any idea that Chad plays around on the side, much less that he plays with the other boys. But the words sent a flare of hope in his chest, blotted out quickly by the realization of what he's done.

He cheated.

Again.

It's pretty easy to put it off, especially after six glasses of watered down scotch and seeing Chad wrapped around Michelle and enjoying himself, but Kevin considers them exclusive. He doesn't ask if Chad sleeps with Michelle, tries to pretend he doesn't care, but Kevin's not looking, not trying to find someone to take Chad's place in his life. Kevin's exclusive to this guy who can't be - no, be honest, Kevin: won't be exclusive to him.

God it was easy though. And it felt good to lean against Scotty, to feel the familiar push and pull of skin as Kevin got drunker and let himself touch and be touched in corners that weren't so dark you couldn't see. To walk out holding someone's hand, to walk out knowing everyone who saw you knew you were going home with him, that you were going to bed with him. He liked how good it felt right up until the moment he woke up and realized what he'd done.

Anyone else in the world, and Kevin would have brushed it off. A screwup, sure. A setback. But Scotty knows too much, sees too much and reads Kevin like his beloved comic books, bold type and pretty pictures and no substance to speak of.

He picks up the watch from the bedside table, holding it over him and watching the second hand move. He rubs his thumb over the face of it, a smear on the pristine surface and he wonders for a second if it's that easy. Take something beautiful and one little swipe just ruins it. Not that he and Chad are beautiful. He just has to take one look at the faces of his brothers and sisters to know they think he's going to get hurt, going to get broken by this. The trouble is that he already is. If he wasn't, it'd be easy to walk away.

He closes his eyes again and sets the watch on the bed, turning over and grabbing the pillow, bringing it down to him. It smells like club smoke and Scotty and Kevin remembers the feel of his body, the shorter hair soft and feathered against his palms, the kisses that came so easily. It was before and after and again, and waking up with Scotty in his bed, still there in the morning with no rush to leave, no need to pretend that it wasn't something less than it was.

Just wanting it to be something more.

Kevin curls up against the pillow, eyes closed. It's not just the sound of Chad's voice. It's the hurt in Scotty's eyes as well. Scotty should have laughed at Kevin, should have made the 'I told you so' sharper, more painful. Should have cut Kevin in half instead of just carving parts of him out, hollowing him. Kevin wants to apologize for using him, though he's not sure if he used Scotty against Chad or for himself.

It's for the best, his head tells him, logic and sense beating a rhythm in the back of his skull in counterpoint to the headache burning behind his eyes. Chad's out of his life so there's no more hiding, no more avoiding, no more having to watch how he looks at him, watch who might be watching. It's better, for the best. He closes his eyes, unsure anymore if it's the headache burning or the emotion and he reaches back blindly for the watch, wrapping his hand around it.

He's lost something today - he's not sure what it is, not sure if it's everything - so he'll hold on to what he has left.