"I don't want to talk about it, Pacey, okay? I'd rather just be alone in my misery." She shrugged his arm off her shoulders and continued walking, her gaze focused on the ground.

"I kissed her a couple of weeks ago. The night of the carnival." He stopped walking and just stared after her as she continued on. "And she blew me off. I didn't even get a shot. Hell, it was practically over before it started."

"You kissed her?" She turned and looked at him, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Officially, yeah, I guess it was a kiss. But on the scale of breathtaking to orgasmic, it fell around…cold fish." It was his turn to shrug as they started walking again, easily falling into step with one another. "She's got her sights set on him, and nobody else is going to get in the way of it. Not you. Not me."

"You figure tonight's the big night? If his eyes had opened any wider, I think they'd still be rolling around the floor in there." She ran her hand through her hair, shaking her head and watching her breath dance around her face. "I guess I'm just wanting what I know I can't have."

"We seem to all be a little guilty of that." Pacey sighed and stopped, leaning over the railing along the water. His reflection stared back at him, warped by the waves. She leaned beside him and he watched her out of the corner of his eye. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Mostly."

"What do you say you and I take a little stroll down main street and find some little out of the way coffee shop not overly crowded with anyone from the pageant and toss back a few hot cocoas?"

"Your reputation for being a wild man is obviously not an exaggeration." Jen gave him a small smile. "But I have a better idea."

"Oh yeah?"

"What do you say we go back to my place and have some of Grams's cocoa?"

"Wow. That may be an offer I can't refuse." He took her hand and tugged on it, starting them walking in the direction of her house. "Grams makes the best cocoa."

They walked in silence, neither of them really wanting anything more than to be in misery's company. Finally, just as they neared the road that led to her house, she paused and looked at Dawson's.

"I asked him if he was interested in getting back together tonight. After the pageant. He was sitting out on his porch and I went up to him and asked him. No. That's not right. I told him that I was stupid for breaking it off and I really wanted for us to have another shot."

"What did he say?" Pacey's voice was soft, almost comforting.

"Well, in more words than it should have taken, he told me he was in love with Joey. Not that he's willing to admit that. He gave me some excuse about friendship and moving toward something better, but in the end, it all comes back to one thing."

"Joey."

Jen smirked. "Wow. Got it in one guess."

"Why were you back by the water?"

"I went for a walk. I mean, I couldn't stand to sit there in my bedroom and stare out across at him and wonder how long it would take before he got it, you know? Before he realized all he has to do is just say the word and she'll be there." She shook her head, the blond strands dancing in the moonlight. "Jesus. I get more pathetic as the night wears on."

"Nah," Pacey slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. Her hand slid around his waist and she leaned against his chest as they started walking again. "You're not pathetic."

"I'm not?"

He ignored her incredulous tone. "Nope. Because if I'm to acknowledge that you're pathetic, I might have to reexamine exactly what I am. I don't know what the step below pathetic is, and to be honest, I really don't want to find out."

"Why would you be more than pathetic?"

"Because at least you have some sort of prior relationship to base your feelings off of. All I've got is an afternoon spent trudging through water, mud and the minefield of Joey's temper." He smirked at the night. "You know, even without you as a measuring stick? I'm more than pathetic." They reached her porch and he opened the screen door, waiting as she walked through it before following. "So see? You're a step up the emotional evolutionary scale, regardless of what your current feelings might be."

"Thanks, Pacey," she laughed softly, sadly. "I appreciate you trying to help."

"Hey, I'm more than happy to depress myself more than I thought possible if it helps out a friend." He ruffled her hair as they reached the front door. "Home, sweet home."

"Thanks for the escort."

"You're welcome. Just remember these sorts of services cost you a pretty penny in the big city."

"In the big city, you get more than just a walk home." Jen laughed, turning around to say goodnight, only to find him looking at her, his head cocked to the side. "What?"

"Nothing," he shook his head, looking away. Jen grabbed his chin and pulled him back around to face her.

"What?"

"I'm insane," he muttered under his breath, leaning down and kissing her softly. He could feel her body start, shocked by his sudden movement, the sudden heat of another body invading her space. But then he felt her relax, move into him, one of her hands settling against his chest, just above his hammering heart.

She pulled away slowly, blinking rapidly as she licked her lips. Finally she raised her eyes to his. "Um…"

"For…okay, let's just forget that I did that. I…I…I mean," he stammered the words, his hands held out in front of him in defense. "I…"

Jen pushed his hands out of the way, grabbing his shirt and pulling him against her. She reached up on tiptoe, using his shirt as leverage to pull him down to her, her lips finding his. Pacey wrapped his arms around her, lifting her and stumbling backwards until he felt the porch railing against his back. Her hot tongue pressed against his lips until he parted them, moaning as it dove into his mouth.

Jen buried her fingers in his hair, letting her legs loop around his as he held her suspended, his arms tight around her as she ravaged his mouth, tasting him. She sucked hard on his tongue, pulling it into her mouth as she ground against the erection that strained against his pants.

"Oh fuck," Pacey groaned, setting her on the ground and moving away from her, sucking in the icy night air. He stood at the corner of the porch, watching her with guarded eyes. "What was that?"

"A kiss," she panted slightly, her breath misting in the pale light from above the door. "Quite a kiss."

"We don't kiss." He gestured between the two of them. "You and I. We don't kiss."

"You started it."

"Yes, but we've already determined that I'm both beyond pathetic and, apparently, completely insane."

Jen's voice dropped sadly. "It's insane to kiss me?"

"It's insane to want to kiss you. Because you're still in love with Dawson, remember?"

"It didn't stop you from kissing Joey."

"It didn't stop me from kissing you." Pacey ran his hand through his hair, staring at the pine wood of the ceiling. After a long minute of painful silence, he looked back at her, his stomach dropping at the look of pain in her eyes. "You're beautiful, you know that? I knew you'd fall for him, so I didn't even think about pursuing you. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about you."

"I don't want a relationship here, Pacey."

She nearly flinched as he nodded, backing another step away. His guard had slipped at her words, his eyes wounded before he could look away. "I'm sorry I kissed you."

"Grams is gone." She looked over her shoulder at the door and then back at him. "She and Gramps are staying at the hospital overnight for some tests. "I don't want a relationship with you, Pacey." His eyes darkened and she wondered briefly if she'd shocked him. "But I do want you."

"You want me because you can't have him?"

"I want you because you kissed me and my nipples got hard." Her voice dropped down, slow and sexy. "I want you because I want to fuck someone who's going to make me beg him to stop and then make me scream in pleasure when he doesn't."

Pacey stared at her for a long time, not moving as she shrugged and turned toward the door. She unlocked it and started inside, the screen ready to close behind her. "You think I can do all that?"

She turned and looked at him over her shoulder, a sly smile playing across her lips. "My bedroom's the first one on the right."

He locked the door behind him, watching her hips move as she walked up the stairs. He'd noticed the first day, as she'd headed toward them, fresh out of the taxi, that she was sexier than any of the girls in Capeside. She didn't have that taint of being seen ever day, every secret being known.

She was worldly, she was sexy. And she loved Dawson. And as he followed her up the stairs, he realized he really didn't care.

He stood in her doorway for a second, watching as she turned on the lamp beside her bed, lighting the room with something just stronger than candlelight. Across the room from him, she grabbed the bottom of her shirt and tugged it over her head, tossing it over the bed so that it landed on the floor at his feet.

Pacey shrugged out of his coat and tossed it on the chair, shutting the bedroom door as he moved into her room. He kicked off his shoes, continuing to watch her as she undid her skirt and slipped out of it, stripping off her nylons in the process.

Unbuttoning his shirt took too long, so he unfastened the top two buttons and pulled it over his head, throwing it in the general direction of his coat. She was watching him now, completely comfortable facing him in nothing more than a black lace bra and panties. His fingers shook as he unfastened his pants and pushed them down, his boxers doing nothing to hide his arousal as he stepped out of the pooled fabric and moved toward her.

Jen reached behind her and unhooked her bra, letting it drop to the floor. Her fingers moved down to the waistband of the barely there black panties and inched them down, her hips rocking as she stripped them off then climbed onto the bed, kneeling on the mattress and smiling at him.

Pacey stopped walking, stopped moving. Stopped breathing, he thought. This was something out of a music video porn film as Jen's knees slid back and she stretched out on the bed, on her stomach, her face inches from his body, her mouth dangerously close to his erection, which seemed to swell considerable as her tongue darted out to wet her lips.

Common sense started to kick in and he attempted to take a step backwards, halting as her hand came up and caressed the length of his cock, her fingers tracing it through the soft cotton of his boxers. His body jerked and he shivered, pressing his lips together to keep from groaning as her other hand caught his waistband and eased his shorts down his tanned thighs.

"Jen, I…" he stopped as her body came forward and her tongue swept over the head of his cock. So long. It had been so fucking long. He stepped closer to her, sighing with relief as her mouth closed around him, sheathing his cock in slick heat.

Jen pulled back, her tongue tracing the ridge of the tip, sucking at the smooth surface as his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Then, with a final flicker of her tongue, she pulled away from him, sitting up on the bed, her hands folded demurely in her lap.

"That's not fair."

"What's not?" She closed her eyes and ran her tongue over her lips, as if savoring the taste of him.

"You're evil." His eyebrows rose and he took another step toward the bed. "You're pure, unadulterated evil."

Jen shrugged. "Some say."

He knelt on the bed, closing the distance between them. "Jen." He touched her hair, stroking the silky strands with gentle fingers. His breath was warm on her skin as he nuzzled her neck, his tongue leaving a fiery trail along her skin. His hand ran down her arm, his fingers entangling with hers as he leaned into her, pushing them both down on the mattress.

Jen opened her mouth as his tongue found her lips, kissing him hungrily, her free hand burying itself in his hair, massaging his scalp as she licked the roof of his mouth, trying to taste every surface as he brought their joined hands between them, brushing her fingers over his cock.

"Please?" He whispered into her mouth.

She kissed him, sucking on her lower lip as she pulled away. "Nope."

"You realize you leave me no choice, right?"

Her eyes widened at the comment, watching as he left her, raising up and kneeling beside her on the bed. She was about to say something, stop him from sliding away and gathering up his things, dressing and heading home, when he turned slightly and bent over her, his hands on either side of her legs, his lips grazing over her thigh.

"Ooh," she breathed, spreading her legs slightly as he licked, kissed and nibbled at her thighs, nipping lightly at the skin, his tongue moving tantalizingly closer as she turned onto her side, her body facing his, her breath feathering over his swollen cock.

Her nails raked lightly over the backs of his thighs as his hands snaked around her legs to part the swollen pink flesh of her labia. Jen gasped as his tongue slipped down, whispering over her clit. He inhaled the sharp musky scent, blowing a warm breath on her overheated skin and feeling her shiver before him.

His lips closed over her clit, sucking on the swollen nub, holding it as his tongue beat a steady rhythm over the sensitive flesh. His hands massaged her ass, squeezing and stroking the firm skin as her body undulated against his. She whispered his name against his cock, her lips brushing the fevered flesh, her tongue tracing the dark veins under the smooth skin.

Pacey's tongue continued applying firm pressure as his hand released her ass, his fingers chasing ribbons of liquid, brushing her skin as they slipped up to the source, sliding easily inside her. He brushed the upper wall with the tip of his finger, curling it slightly and rubbing the surface. Jen gasped again, burying her head against him, her hair tickling his thighs as her tongue darted out, licking at the taut skin of his balls.

Pacey groaned against her clit, unable to stop his body from thrusting. Her hips arched toward him and his fingers slipped deeper, pressing firmly against the walls of her passage, listening to her whimper softly above him, her hot mouth moving over his cock and balls, licking and sucking and kissing randomly until he slid another finger into her. She cried out quietly, her tongue decorating the base of his cock before she took his balls into her mouth.

His hiss was lost in her skin as he focused his attention, his tongue relentless against her as his hand pumped slow and steady, building into a rapid pattern of thrusts, pushing up inside her as she suckled his skin, her tongue massaging him as her hand settled on his cock, stroking the length of it.

Jen's body tensed around his hand, muscles contracting in rapid spasms. She released him and gasped for air, her head thrown back as she came, her body beating against his as her orgasm flooded around him. He let his tongue trail down, lapping at the slivers of liquid, his fingers still thrusting up inside her.

Jen whimpered and brought her head forward, wrapping her mouth around his cock as she writhed at his mercy as he continued to stroke the slick walls, feasting on her all the while. Her mouth moved over him hungrily as her leg muscles tightened, her body jerking with the weaker force of her second orgasm.

Pacey groaned as Jen's hands moved to the front of his thighs, pushing him back onto her bed, pulling him away from her. She straddled him, her mouth working his cock in earnest, sucking hard at the tip as his fingers kept moving inside her, offering her no relief. She gasped around him, wrapping her hand around the base of his cock and matching it to the moving heat of her mouth.

Pacey's slammed his head back against the mattress as her other hand tugged gently on his balls, her body resting on his now as she concentrated on him, her own muscles too weak and rubbery to support her. His hips matched her movements and he sucked his lower lip into his mouth, biting it hard to keep from screaming as he came, feeling her mouth constrict around him as she swallowed.

Jen lay above him for a long time, her head resting on his thigh, her gaze barely focused. Her body was almost beyond response, barely shuddering as Pacey eased his fingers from inside her, jerking only slightly when his tongue whisked away any last droplets lingering on her skin.

"I should move," she informed him softly, her hand stroking his skin, reveling in the prickly feel of the dark hair. "And, if all my bones had not melted, I would do so."

Pacey chuckled, the slight movement forcing her to roll off of him and settle on the bed. "Mission accomplished." He turned his body around so that he was lying next to her, their bodies face to face. "Hi."

"Hi." She smiled, turning her head just enough to look at him. She lifted her hand and traced his lips with her finger, her grin widening as she brushed against the tip of his tongue. "I guess this only serves as proof of my wanton New York ways, huh?"

"And of my bad boy, devil may care, perennial fuck-up existence." His smile was more of a smirk as he shrugged, letting his fingers run over her flat stomach. "Not that anyone's going to notice, right? I mean, anyone we'd want to notice is busy noticing other things."

"Right." She sighed, her hand hovering over his, her fingertips alighting on the tanned skin. "So what do we do?"

"You mean do we run out and announce to all disinterested parties that you and I are doing it?" Pacey shrugged. "Is that what you want?"

She stared up at the ceiling, refusing to look at him. "I'm still interested in Dawson, Pacey."

"So that'd be a big no?" He stuck out his lower lip, more of a ponder than a pout. "Unless one subscribes to the theory that Dawson only wants what Dawson can't have."

"Somehow I think knowing I slept with you isn't going to make Dawson want me. In fact, I'd say after the reaction to my revelation of my tawdry activities in the big city, I'd say throwing another sexual partner on my list would be the last thing he'd want to hear."

"Right." He got off the bed, not noticing as her eyes closed painfully for a moment as she turned to watch him pull on his clothes. "My lips are sealed."

"Pacey…" She sat up, grabbing her pillow to hide her nakedness, suddenly nervous in front of him. "I'm not trying to hurt you."

"And you're not." He grinned, his blue eyes lit up with something like mischief or, if she looked closer, maybe tears. "I don't need Joey or anyone else hearing about what we did tonight. I'm already news, Jen." He shrugged on his jacket and opened the door, not looking back at her as he left. "I don't need to be used as well."

3/08/02