“I think I liked the purple better.”

Jen looked back at Jack who was sprawled out across her bed and shrugged. “You don’t think the lime green and sickly yellow go better with the spring wardrobe?”

“You see, they’re just not your colors. You need something more vibrant. Blondes shouldn’t wear orange or yellow. I read that somewhere important.”

“Maybe the knowledge is just innate. It comes with being gay.” She moved away from the mirror and sat on the edge of the bed, her hand automatically going to his hair, her fingers running through it. “It doesn’t show too much, does it?”

“No one mentioned it at the funeral.”

“No one mentions stuff like that at a funeral, Jack.”

“They do in Capeside.”

“Nah. They had too much to talk about already. I mean, a suicide with no note, Dawson actually having a girlfriend, Pacey walking around like a zombie…I was nothing important.”

Jack rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. “No wonder we’re all screwed up coming from that town, huh?”

“No doubt.” Jen lay down, her head toward her feet as she looked up at the ceiling as well. “Now that it’s over, how are you?”

“Better.” He was quiet for a minute. “I did what you said.”

“There’s a shocker.” She turned her head and looked at him. “What’d I say?”

“I started seeing a counselor.”

“Well, that was good advice.”

“It was.” Jack laughed softly. “I was always the normal one in my family after Tim died, you know? I mean, I didn’t lose control, I didn’t become emotionally distant. Sure, I acted out a little. Everything got turned inward and it came out whenever I tried to do something that required a little grace.”

Jen laughed. “I remember you were quite the klutz.”

“And I seem to recall you weren’t little miss graceful when you gave waitressing a shot at the Leery’s.”

“But Andie’s death…I didn’t know how to deal with that.”

“I gathered.”

“It’s not so hard now. I mean, it’s hard. It’ll always be hard. Not knowing why or if we could have done anything to prevent it had we know there was something wrong.” Jack sighed. “But I’m not as scared that I’m going to end up facing the wrong end of a razor blade as I was before.”

“I won’t let you ever end up like that, Jack.”

“I know.” He grabbed her hand and held it tightly. “I want to make it all up to you, Jen.”

“There’s nothing to make up.” She raised herself up on one elbow and smiled down at him. “You’re my best friend. If I can’t be your whipping girl from time to time, what good am I?”

“It’s not that.” He sat up and looked at her seriously. Jen sat up as well, meeting his level gaze with her own. Jack leaned forward and kissed her softly, his lips firm on hers but not demanding. “I want to make the other night up to you. I want to make it right.”

“Jack.” Jen pulled back, pursing her lips together as if to capture the kiss between them. “There is no making that night right. Because you and me? We’re not right. I told you that in high school and I meant it. I just wish that I’d…I wish I’d had the strength of will to have never let the other night happen.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you.” She touched his lower lip with tender fingers. “You’re my best friend, and the one man I’m going to love forever. But Jack, you and I are never going to be anything more than that. I would love to live out all those fantasies I used to have about you, but doing that would require one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“For you to want me.” She smiled and bit her lower lip. “And you don’t. Mostly because I don’t have a penis, but for other reasons as well. And it’s okay. Because when it all comes down to it, I don’t want you that way either.”

“Yes you do.”

“Okay, I do. But not at the risk of losing my best friend.” She leaned forward and kissed him again, relief flooding through her as she realized she felt nothing more than comfort. “Now, tell me more about your therapy.”

**

Joey sat on the hood of Pacey’s car and stared up at the two story white house. It looked empty. Hollow. “So has anyone been in to clean?”

“The carpet people came and replaced the carpet the other day.”

“That’s good.”

“It’s probably still sort of a mess though. The police and the ambulance workers. I don’t remember much about the day I left, you know?”

“Yeah.” She looked over at him and smiled, noting his nervous movements as he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“I figure she’d want the stuff donated to charity or something. That seems very Andie-like, don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” She slid off the hood and held out her hand to him. “Come on.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You can. We’ll do it just like we discussed. You start in her office and clean out any incidental stuff the school might need. After that you go through the bills and all that stuff. I’ll be upstairs packing up her clothes and personal effects.”

“Don’t mix them up. I want to…I’ll want to go through the personal stuff later.”

“I know.” She tugged on his hand just a little. “Come on. We should get going.”

“Have I thanked you for helping me do this yet?”

“No. But I haven’t done anything yet, so it’s okay.” Joey forced him to keep walking, heading for the front door. “It’s what friends do, Pacey.”

“Does your accountant mind that you’re spending the weekend helping me do this?”

“I stopped seeing the accountant six months ago.” She held out her free hand as he fished the keys out of his pocket and handed them to her. “Not that you gave me time to mention it when you were being such a dick before.”

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s excusable behavior.” She unlocked the door and opened it, involuntarily taking a deep breath. She exhaled with pure relief as the scent of new carpet and glue assaulted her nostrils. “Come on.”

He followed her slowly, looking around as if everything were new and potentially dangerous. He let go of her hand and moved to the living room door. The room was almost empty, the furniture and incidentals shoved into the adjoining room and the new carpet laying thick across the floor. It was the soft white of worn cotton, not quite the same as before.

Especially since there was no bloodstain.

“Are you all right?”

He nodded, his eyes glued to the floor where she’d lain. “Not in the slightest. But…but I will be, I think.” He forced his gaze back to Joey and managed a smile. “I’ll be in her office.”

“Okay.” Joey stood on tiptoe and kissed him softly. “It’s okay if it gets to be too much. Just come find me and we’ll get out of here for a while.”

“Thanks, Jo.” He touched her ponytail, tugging on the strands of shining hair. “For everything.”

His words were thick with meaning, emotion. “It’s what friends do, Pacey.”

“Well then, thanks for being my friend.”

She nodded and moved away from him, her eyes speaking far more than words. “I’ll be whatever you need.”

He watched her walk up the stairs to the room he’d shared with his wife, staring long after she’d disappeared from sight before turning and heading into Andie’s office.