"Lunatics?"

"I think I'm offended," George sniffed indignantly. "Maybe we should forget it, Fred. Leave the ungrateful git here and Apparate back to the shop?"

"It would teach him a lesson," Fred nodded. "You're right, George. Give him a pinch of Floo powder to cover us with Mum and leave him to his own devices here in Diagon Alley."

"Good point about the powder. Although it might be more fun just to strand him."

"Mum'd kill us."

"True." George nodded. "So, is the risk worth the reward?" He watched Ron intently. "What d'you think, Ickle Ronniekins?"

"I think you're both poncey gits." He shook off Fred's grip. "Just because you're making some money…"

"Some? Oh, dear little brother, how little you know. How small you dream."

"We, Ronniekins, are making money hand over fist." Fred tapped him on the head. "The Weasley business is booming. Which is why we're here."

"Where's here?" Ron looked up at the dark stone building then at the other buildings surrounding it, none of them familiar. "Where are we?"

"Here, little brother," George put his arm around Ron's shoulder and gestured to the building before them, " is where you become a man."

"A what?"

"A man."

"A what?"

Fred sighed and shook his head. "Told you he wasn't ready."

"Ready for what?"

The twins ignored him. "He's sixteen, almost seventeen."

"Maybe he's more like Percy than we thought."

"What are you two talking about?" Ron grabbed Fred's arm, cursing as his brother moved out of reach.

"Maybe he doesn't fancy…" George stopped and eyed Ron seriously. "You don't think we should take him next door, do you?"

Fred circled Ron, appraisingly. "Dunno, George. I've never seen him get all stupid around anyone but girls."

"He does hang around with Harry quite a bit."

"He's my best bloody friend," Ron snapped. "What is going on here? What are you two talking about? What's going on?"

George sighed. "He's not ready."

"I can help beat Vol…Voldemort's Death Eaters. I can put up with you lot. Just tell me what the hell's going on."

"Pub?" George asked.

Fred nodded. "Pub."

Diagon Alley seemed to materialize around them as they walked away from the imposing edifice. George and Fred were both silent, both ignoring Ron. Fred opened the door to a small pub, heading for a table at the back. Ron hesitated then followed as George jabbed him in the back.

George stopped at the bar, gathering the three frothy mugs of butterbeer and bringing them to the table. He sat opposite Fred, identical eyes watching Ron. "First off, and don't lie just because you're embarrassed, do you fancy girls? Or boys?"

"What?"

"Jeez, Ron," Fred shook his head. "Keep your voice down. Besides, it's a simple question. Girls or boys?"

"What kind of…? Why do you…? Do I go around asking you…?"

"We're both straight," Fred shrugged. "Though George has been known to experiment."

Ron stuck his fingers in his ears. "I'm not hearing this."

"What?" George asked innocently. "You've both seen Oliver, haven't you?"

"Can't hear you," Ron reminded him.

George's eyebrow shot up. "You've got a problem with it, Ronnie, my boy?"

"Have sex with whomever you like, " Ron assured him. "Just don't ever, ever tell me about it."

"There is," Fred cut off George's response, "a tradition in the Weasley family. We've put it off in your case, due to the situation…"

"Which you've buggered up, by the way," George added.

"What are you two babbling about?"

"Ever time a Weasley boy turns sixteen, if he's not got himself a girlfriend…"

"Or boyfriend."

"Shut up, George." Fred rolled his eyes then looked back at Ron, his seriousness ingrained in his furrowed brow. "The next oldest member of the family is elected to guide him to a certain house that's been servicing virgin Weasleys for years."

"A whorehouse?"

George hissed at him to lower his voice. "Sort of."

"A whorehouse?"

"Look, it's not our fault you cocked it up."

"Or didn't, as the case may be."

"With Hermione," George responded to Ron's confused look. "We figured you'd have taken care of everything and we'd be off the hook. But instead, you're being a total git about it."

"What d'you mean?"

"Nice try at being offended, Ron." Fred assured him mockingly. "You and Hermione have been interested in each other since day one and five years later you've done sod-all about it."

"Which is where Fred and I come in." George finished off his butterbeer and looked long and hard at Ron. "Now, I suppose there could be an off chance that you two have actually shagged, but I'd bet good money that's not the case."

"What Hermione and I have done…"

"Or haven't."

"You know, I don't need to listen to this." Ron shoved his glass away from him. "You're both daft and I'd bet good money that this is some sort of joke or trick you've rigged up."

"Fine. Don't believe us." Fred shrugged. "Percy didn't believe Charlie. And look what a git he's become."

"Percy's not a git because he didn't get laid," Ron smirked.

"Oh no. He's always been a git." George nodded. "He just gets worse with every passing moment."

Ron shook his head. "You're bloody liars. Jokers. And you can't, even for a moment, think I'd trust anything you say," he dropped his voice, "especially about sex."

"Your choice, Ron." Fred held up his hands in surrender. "Your life." He paused for a long moment, watching Ron discreetly. "I mean, if you want to go into your first time with Hermione…"

"I am not," Ron dropped his voice. "I'm not dating Hermione."

"Oh, we know." George nodded. "Trust us, we know. If you were, we'd actually be enjoying our day today instead of doing this."

"I'm not even interested in her." Color suffused Ron's face and he crossed his arms defiantly over his chest. "She's just a friend."

"Yeah. Right." George suddenly stopped and looked at Fred as if by some unspoken signal. "She's just a friend?"

His raised eyebrow failed to incite panic in Ron. "Yeah."

"So you weren't jealous when she was dating Viktor?"

"They weren't dating," Ron snapped then blushed. "No. I wasn't jealous."

"So you'd have no problem if someone else asked her out?" Fred's grin was sharp and dangerous. "Say…Dean or Seamus?"

"Neville?" Ron shook his head at George. "Draco?"

"Hermione wouldn't so much as look at that ponce."

"He does have a point." Fred agreed. "Harry?"

"Harry's not interested in Hermione either. Besides, he's reserved for Ginny."

"Reserved?" George chortled. "He's reserved for Ginny?"

"Sod off." Ron blushed. "It's just…"

"Family." Fred nodded, still smiling. "He's your best friend. Like a brother. Being with Ginny makes it official."

Ron nodded, relieved. "Yes. Exactly."

"And that's how you feel about Hermione then? Like she's a sister?

Ron's eyes narrowed suspiciously, suddenly wary of a trap. "She's my friend."

"As good a friend to you as Harry?" Fred asked lightly.

"Well, yeah. But different. Because she's a girl."

"Like a sister."

"Why d'you keep saying that?"

"Just clarifying." Fred leaned back in his chair. "I just figured that if Harry was like a brother to you, then Hermione would be like a sister. That's all."

"Oh. Well." Ron's brow furrowed and he gazed into his empty glass. "I…I guess."

"Excellent." Fred grinned widely and slapped the table with his hand. 'So you won't mind if I ask her out."

"What?" Ron and George both looked at Fred in shock. "But…" Ron spluttered. "You can't."

"Why not?" Fred leaned forward and nailed Ron with his sharp gaze. "She's not like a sister to me." Ron bit his lower lip, his eyes narrowed angrily. Fred shrugged. "Unless there's something you want to tell me?"

"No." Ron continued glaring at his older brother. "Ask away. It's not like she'll say yes."

"Sure of that, are you?" Fred got to his feet. "Well, if you're not going to go to the establishment we offered to take you to, George and I should get back to the shop."

"There's no bloody way in hell I'm going there."

"All right. Come hang out for a while then we'll take you home."

"I'm not a child."

"True, but Mum invited us 'round for dinner." Fred looped his arm around Ron's shoulders. "So you're stuck with us, little brother."

Ron sighed. "Great."

"You boys have a good time?"

"Great, Mum. Showed Ron around the inner workings of the shop." George looked at their father and shrugged. "He wasn't all that excited about it."

"Good," Mrs. Weasley set the last dish on the table with a defiant slam. "Maybe he'll be smart enough to stay in school then."

"Hey, Mum," Fred spooned some potatoes on to his plate, very carefully not looking at Ron. "When are Harry and Hermione due here at the Burrow?"

"Next week, I believe. Harry's coming a few days before Hermione." She raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Why?"

"Just curious. I thought they'd like a tour of the shop."

"Not the same one you gave me!"

"Of course not, Ron," Fred arched an eyebrow suggestively. "I was thinking of something much more personal. More hands on."

Ron shoved his plate away. "I'm not hungry, Mum. May I be excused?"

"Of course, Ron." She reached over and felt his flushed face. "You all right?"

"Fine. Just…" he shook his head and glared at Fred. "Just tired."

Mrs. Weasley waited until Ron left the room to turn on Fred. "What's going on, Fred Weasley?"

"Nothing, Mum."

"What did you do to your brother?"

"Nothing," Fred held up both hands. "Honest."

"Why do you care when Harry and Hermione come?" Ginny asked.

"Much the same reason you do, little sister." He looked straight at his mother. "I'm going to ask Hermione out on a date."

"What?" Mrs. Weasley nearly dropped a plate on the floor. "But, Hermione's…She's Ron's…"

"Ron says she's just a friend. That he thinks of her as a sister."

"And you believed him?"

Fred shook his head and smiled. "No. But Ron doesn't know that. And maybe, with a little bit of competition, the stupid git'll stop beating around the bush."

"Maybe he doesn't want a serious girlfriend yet, Fred."

"Right, Ginny. Just like you don't want Harry to start looking at you like he looked at Cho."

"We're not talking about Harry."

"No, Gin. I wasn't talking about Harry." He shoved his plate away. "Excuse me, Mum."

Everyone watched him leave the room then turned their eyes to George. "Don't look at me," he warned them. "I've got nothing to do with this one."