Mad Dogs and Englishmen


"I'm not going to do this."

"Yes," Lily assured him, pressing a soft but determined kiss to his lips. "You will."

"But…"

"James, how well do I know you?"

"Too damned."

"Exactly." She kissed him again, pulling him closer, winding her arms under his robes, around his waist. "Better, I'd think, than you even know yourself, given that you're prone to fits of grandeur and self-delusion."

"I am not!"

"Says the man who spent weeks trying to transfigure goal posts into giraffes," Lily smirked then tilted her head with a beguiling smile. "So then, when I say you're going to do this, that you want to do this, what do you think that means?"

"That you want me to do it."

She laughed, her smile and eyes flashing in the dim light of the hallway. "Well, that's quite likely, but not the whole truth." She stepped back and ran a hand down his chest, over his abdomen to the slight bulge of his crotch. It immediately shifted at the pressure, growing and pressing against her palm. "You want to do this. And, let's be honest, it's likely to be your last chance."

"I've not wanted a chance before!"

"James," she shook her head, her hand slipping the zipper of his trousers down and sliding her hand over the fabric that sheathed his cock. "Can you look me in the eye and tell me, completely honestly, that you've never once in your life wanted to see what it would be like?"

"Well…no, but that doesn't mean that I want to…"

"Don't you want to know specifically what it would be like with them?"

"Er…yes, but…"

"And I know you've thought about it. And fantasized about it." She found his cock with her hand, caressing the hardened flesh. "And I'm sure they have as well."

"I…" He swallowed hard. "We…"

"And so have I."

James gave up swallowing and simply let his mouth hang open. It coincided with the hard, harsh breaths that seemed to be all he could manage, sending warm air dancing through her hair. "Uh…"

"I want to watch you, James," she purred, her thumb sweeping over the head of his cock, sliding against the thick liquid pooled there. "I want to watch you with them, want to watch you touch them, watch them touch you. I want to see you suck on Remus's tongue, want to see you suck on Sirius's cock." Her breathing was short, hard and fast, imitating the movement of her hand. "I want to watch Remus fuck you."

"So, now," she paused as he groaned and came, thrusting against her. Her mouth pressed against his, and she swallowed his warm shudder of satisfaction, her breasts hard against his chest. "Get cleaned up, go downstairs and convince them that they want it," she stepped back just enough to grab his hand and guide between the folds of her robe, beneath her skirt to the wet fabric of her knickers, "as badly as I do."

* * *

"Jesus, James," Sirius shook his head in wonder. "What'd you do? Get lost on the way to the loo?"

"Er, no."

"If he weren't such a lapdog to Evans, I'd suggest he got waylaid," Sirius smirked, "or just laid by some saucy bar wench." He winked as Rosmerta set a fresh round of drinks in front of them. "Although I've had my eye on this one all night, so I know she's not been having one off with our little James."

"Your eye on me is allowed, Sirius." Rosmerta smacked him lightly on top of the head. "Your hands are not."

"Sirius has decided that butterbeer makes him one raging hormone, " Remus drawled to James, his eyes sharp as they looked him over. "So far he's hit on practically everyone in the pub, with the exception of Hagrid."

"Because he's afraid he'll offend him?" James asked lightly.

"More, I think, because he's afraid he'll say yes," Remus laughed. "And what a sight that would be, eh?"

"Please, you'll put me off my lunch," Sirius shuddered, glancing over his shoulder at the hulking giant of a man. "Nothing against him, mind you."

"Literally," Remus continued smirking, finally stopping as he winced. James smiled weakly, knowing Sirius had kicked him under the table. "Well now, Padfoot, what do you expect? You've felt up two Ravenclaw girls as well as their Keeper. You expect me to just sit by idly and not comment?"

"And what of you, you blazing poof? I saw you snogging that Hufflepuff bloke." He reached for his butterbeer and took a long drink, grinning at James from behind the mug. "Really, Remus, you've got to develop some sort of taste in men."

"Obviously, if I might fancy you."

James cleared his throat, halting their light-hearted banter. "I was wondering…"

"So was I," Sirius nodded sagely. "Wondering where Peter is, the little blighter."

"Off with Morgana Everclem," Remus replied. "Probably getting up to all sorts of mischief, given that the last boy she shagged was Malcolm Xavier."

"The Slytherin Beater?"

"Well, she's Ravenclaw," Remus shrugged. "Makes her smart, doesn't mean she has sense. She'll probably christen our sweet, little Peter and make a man of him before he's even aware she's got his pants undone."

"Oi," Sirius shook his head. "You'd think the boy would realize Gryffindor bravery isn't best served in the bedroom."

"I was thinking that…that…thatthethreeofusshouldgoupstairsandshag." James picked up his mug and drained it in one long gulp. Sirius and Remus both turned, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Er, pardon?"

Sirius nodded his agreement. "Exactly what Remus said."

James ran his hand through his hair, refusing to look at either of his friends. The table was scarred but bright with polish, sticky and ringed with suds. He hid his face in his hands, swallowed and closed his eyes, fighting to clear his throat of the sudden obstruction lodged in it.

"James?" Remus's voice was quiet and serious and James could feel him lean closer, breath warm on his wrist. "James?"

"I…"

Remus's hand was suddenly on his thigh, warm and gentle, kneading softly. "James?"

James shook his head slowly, fighting for air, finally managing a deep breath, only to choke on it as Sirius's hand landed on his other leg. He coughed hard, pulling away from both of them, his eyes darting around the room to see if anyone was watching.

"I think…" Sirius glanced at Remus then back at James. "I think I'll run up to the counter and settle our bill." He picked up his glass, his hand shaking slightly, and drained it, the mug rattling on the table as he set it down.

"We'll meet you." Remus nodded toward the back hallway. He stood, leaving his drink untouched, placing his hand under James's elbow. "Come on, mate. Let's get you out of here."

"I'm not drunk," James assured him in a quiet whisper. "I'm not. I've hardly had any. I just…I just want…" Remus pulled him into the dark corridor out of sight of the rest of the pub and held him against the wall. James's eyes went wide as he stared into Remus's, the thick lashes lowering slightly as he met James's gaze. "I want…"

Remus didn't let him finish, his mouth closing over James's hotly, swallowing any further words. James groaned somewhere deep in his throat and clenched at Remus's robes as the other boy's fingers dug into his arms. Remus pulled away, allowing James a great gasping breath, then suddenly, his air was gone Sirius's tongue pressed hotly against his.

Sirius pulled back, tossing his hair over his shoulder with a jerk of his head. James stared from one to the other and licked his lips before speaking. "I've a room…upstairs."

Remus and Sirius shared a look, both turning on him with raised eyebrows and matching, sly smiles. "I knew warning Prongs to be prepared all those times would come in handy." Sirius licked his lips, his gaze predatory. "Who knew he'd take my advice to heart?"

"Given that you showed him how to unhook a bra without looking like a git, I imagine he'd do most anything you say."

Sirius appraised James for a long moment. "Would you?"

"Do…do anything you say?"

Sirius nodded slowly, letting one finger trail over the bulge of James's cock. "Yes." James didn't speak but Sirius smiled and nodded. "By all means then, Prongs, lead us to your room."

* * *

"Er…before we…" James glanced back at the door behind him then at Remus and Sirius. "I just…er…"

"James?" Sirius sighed as he reached out, placing his hand against James's chest and pinning him to the door. "Shut up."

"I just…"

"Let me sum up," Remus pulled the key from James's still hand and slipped it into the lock, "you want us. We want you."

"I…"

"You're nervous, because you've been fantasizing about me since we were eleven, you great ponce," Sirius grinned and nipped James's lower lip between sharp teeth. "And you're desperately afraid you're not going to be able to handle the sheer power that is Sirius Black."

"Or you're likely to die, given the lack of air now that it's gone to fill his swelled head." Remus elbowed Sirius out of the way, gently pushing James aside as he opened the door. "You want us. We want you. That's really all there is to it."

"You're nervous," Sirius glared at Remus as he rolled his eyes. "Because you never thought we'd say yes?"

"I…"

"Not realizing, of course, that," Sirius shut the door behind them and locked it, leaning against it as he unhooked his robe and began loosening his tie, "if there's one person in the world both Remus and I would do this with, it'd be you."

"Er…"

"And," Remus dropped his robe on the chair beside the small table, loosening his tie just enough to slip it over his head, his nimble fingers beginning to unfasten the buttons of his shirt, "to be honest, we're likely a bit nervous too."

"Not so nervous as to stand there looking like a gaping fish or anything," Sirius noted, smiling as James's mouth snapped shut. "And really, you must have suspected we'd say yes, otherwise, how in Merlin's name would you have got up the nerve to ask?"

"Must have known," Remus agreed as he moved up behind James, his hands reaching around to unfasten his robe, to slide it over his shoulders, "that we'd agree."

"Deep down inside," Sirius nodded as he untied James's tie and then worked his buttons free of their bindings. "Surely you knew, Prongs."

Remus guided the shirt to the floor, pressing his chest against James's bare back. His teeth were sharp as they nipped James's ear. "Knew we wanted you."

Sirius shrugged off his shirt finally and moved in, his chest against James's, his mouth on the opposite side of his neck from Remus. Sirius's lips moved, his tongue leaving hot trails on James's skin. "Knew how much we wanted you."

"I…"

Remus's hands ran along James's thighs as he sucked on his earlobe, his breath sending hot shivers along James's body. He moaned softly and James's hips jerked forward, colliding with Sirius's exploring hands as he easily unfastened James's trousers. Remus guided them off his hips as soon as Sirius had them freed, diverting his mouth down to the hollow of James's neck. "How long we've wanted you."

"How…"

Sirius sank to his knees, fingers trailing down James's skin before wrapping around his cock, guiding it into his mouth. James shuddered, leaning back against Remus as his knees shook under the warm assault of Sirius's tongue.

"How good it feels," Remus nibbled along James's shoulder, his hands roaming up James's abdomen and chest until his fingers found the hardness of James's nipples. He teased them, flicking them with his short nails, scratching at the sensitive flesh until James was arching forward, away from the warmth of Remus's body, into the pure heat of Sirius's mouth.

Remus brought one hand up and turned James's head, his fingers threading through the perpetually mussed hair as he found his mouth, lips and teeth and tongue stealing what little coherency James had left. He moaned and shifted, meeting every thrust of Remus's tongue with his own, jerking away only as he felt one of Sirius's hands squeeze his arse, the other caressing the heavy weight of his balls. "Fuck…"

Remus thrust forward, his cock hard against James's skin even through his clothes, a moan falling from Remus's lips as Sirius's hand worked between them. Sirius grinned, echoing Remus with a moan of his own, the sound and vibration causing James to still then arch forward, his orgasm spilling down Sirius's throat.

Sirius pulled back, licking his lips as Remus guided James to the bed, easing him down onto the pale green comforter. James watched as Remus turned and looked at Sirius, his eyes flashing as he held out a hand to him, helping him to his feet. Sirius let his momentum lead him against Remus, his mouth finding his with practiced skill, sharing the taste of James on his tongue.

Remus growled low in his throat, his hands unfastening Sirius's trousers and pushing them to the floor. Sirius groaned in response, his hips thrusting forward of their own volition. "Merlin, Moony…"

"Always yammering on about something," Remus smiled before devouring Sirius's mouth, biting at his lips to part them. Sirius surrendered on a shuddering gasp, his tongue tangling with Remus's again before Remus's hands moved over Sirius's bare arse, grasping the taut flesh. Sirius arched forward again, grinding against Remus's body until he broke the kiss, backing away with a knowing smile. "Besides, I'd hate for Prongs here to feel left out."

Sirius nodded, fighting to catch his breath. "Wouldn't exactly be fair, would it?" James stared up at them wide-eyed, his body already responding as they moved closer to him. Sirius sat down beside him and kicked off the remainder of his clothes, stretching out next to James on the bed. With casual grace, he wrapped his hand around James's cock and began stroking it, his eyes never leaving Remus. "Watch," he whispered, turning just enough to bite at James's earlobe. "It's worth the wait."

Remus smiled and shook his head, dropping his hands to his waist. With graceful and practiced movements, he unfastened his belt and slacks, letting them drop to the floor in a tangle with all the other discarded clothes. James licked his lips as Remus then hooked his fingers under the waistband of his boxers, his erection already clearly visible, straining at the thin fabric.

"Of course, the bastard knows it," Sirius's voice caught James off guard, the husky, hushed tone sending a rush of blood to his partially erect cock. "Gets off on it. Though not literally. That would be a waste."

"Christ, Prongs, shut him up, would you?" Remus dropped his boxers to the floor and moved to the bed in one fluid motion, pressing against the opposite side of James, his cock hard against his thigh. James turned to Remus, his mouth open, his face flaming hot, glasses askew and smudged. "You want me to show you how?"

James turned back to look at Sirius. "I…"

Sirius stopped him with a kiss, his hand tightening around James's cock. James groaned, the sound lost as he turned on his side, trapping Sirius's hand between them.

"A quick learner, our Prongs," Remus murmured as he began running his hand along James's back down to his arse, massaging the warm skin. "Wouldn't you say, Padfoot?"

"Mmm," Sirius nodded, his hands now on James's shoulders, guiding him down his body as he slowly inched his way up on the bed. "A very," Sirius stopped and gasped, "oh fuck, quick learner."

Remus grinned as James's body shuddered, his mouth sliding inexpertly over Sirius's erection. Sirius's hands fisted in the coverlet, fabric seeping between his white-knuckled grip as he stared down at James with a mixture of desire, fascination and relief. "You expected less?" He moved his hands to James's hips, guiding them up off the bed. James's hands grasped the bed just below Sirius's as he shifted onto his knees, arse in the air, Sirius's cock even deeper in his throat.

"Oh…fuck," Sirius groaned, slumping back onto the bed, his eyes shooting to Remus's. "This is…"

"Everything?" Remus asked quietly, his voice knowing as his hand stroked the curve of James's arse, the muscles hard from Quidditch. James moaned around Sirius, who responded in kind, hips rocking up off the bed. Without waiting for further response, Remus muttered a quick Accio, wrapping his hand around the small bottle as it flew to him.

James shuddered again, his hands moving to Sirius's hips, fighting to control the needy thrusts. His fingers dug into the pale skin, bringing another moan to Sirius's lips, this time echoed by James as he pulled back slightly, caught on a gasp as Remus's fingers massaged cool liquid onto his skin.

"I…" James began, silenced again as Sirius buried one hand in his mussed hair and brought him back down to his cock. Remus murmured softly as he penetrated James's arse, slowly pressing a finger past the tight muscle. Sirius gasped as James's mouth tightened around him.

"Jesus, Moony," Sirius panted. "Whatever you did, do it again."

Remus complied, his own body responding as James whimpered, his nails digging into Sirius's flesh. Sirius's eyes rolled back as his hips rolled upward, thrusting deeper into James's throat.

"Ohfuckohfuck," Sirius breathed. "Again. Please, again."

"Greedy, aren't you?" Remus shook his head, easing his fingers from inside James. James growled in protest, pressing back toward Remus. "Though it seems you're not the only one." Remus moved closer, guiding his cock against James's arse. "Is this what you want?"

"Yes," Sirius assured him. "It is. It is. He does. He…just…please, Remus."

"Please?" Remus whispered, pressing against James until his cock slipped inside. James's body tightened around him and Remus caught his breath, stilling until he felt James relax beneath him, heard Sirius's soft assurances. "Please?"

James nodded, thrusting backwards as Remus pushed forward, the resulting cry muffled around Sirius's cock. Sirius lost the hold he had on his control, his hips breaking free of James's hard grip and rocking upward, his hands holding James against him as he came. James moaned around him, swallowing and fighting against Sirius's grip, lost in the hard thrust of Remus filling him.

Sirius shuddered, nearly convulsing as James's mouth kept moving over him, sucking hard at the spent flesh. His own body was quivering with reaction, his cock aching as he thrust against the air. Remus's voice was nearly as hot as the hand he wrapped around James's cock. "Please?"

James released Sirius, who fell back onto the bed with a hot gasp. His mouth free, James cried out, his orgasm pulsing as his body tightened and jerked, muscles clenching around Remus who stilled inside him, panting hard and fast and hot against James's back. James shuddered again, body at the mercy of Remus's still-moving hand, whispering a faint, "Please," his voice unrecognizable as his own as he collapsed on the mattress.

Remus buried his face against James's back, sucking on James's skin as he came, his body easily tangling with the other two on the bed as Sirius moved down to join them in a mess of sweaty and sated limbs.

* * *

Lily bit the heel of her hand to keep from making any noise, her whole body shaking as she continued pressing her fingers to her clit, silently thanking whoever would listen that she'd remembered to spell the vibrator to silence before the three boys had stumbled in the room.

Her entire body ached and she strained desperately toward her orgasm, distracted as the edge of the invisibility cloak lifted and the twitching nose of a familiar rat edged beneath it. "Oh, fuck," she whispered, tearing her eyes away from Peter to the thrusting pile of bodies on the bed. She could feel Peter's fur brush her thigh as he skittered further under the cloak, didn't care as she saw Sirius come, James's mouth working over his cock. The rat was panting as hard as she as it climbed up her moving arm, onto her shoulder and watched with her, not looking away as Remus grabbed James's cock, as James came, as Remus came, as they collapsed, as Lily, her teeth sinking into her hand, came just as desperately as the three on the bed.

The vibrator fell silently to the floor and Lily panted, turning her head to gaze at Peter. He met her stare blankly then shook his head, eyes widening before he rushed away, running down her chest and toward the door. The three on the bed remained oblivious, still petting and kissing and touching one another, though James did raise his head once and smile.

Lily barely noticed, her attention caught instead as Remus did the same, looking directly at her as she managed to get to her feet, using the wall as support, edging toward the door. He didn't look away until Sirius pulled him back into a three-way kiss. She stopped and watched with due appreciation before shaking her head and, making sure they were all otherwise engaged, slipped silently out the door.

* * *

Lily swung her legs nervously, her eyes darting toward the door again and again as she heard the soft sound of footsteps approaching. It finally opened and closed nearly silently, Remus's soft voice talking to the map before he walked into the classroom proper and stopped, smiling at her.

"Hello, Lily."

"Have you thought what you'll tell him if he ever remembers it was you who asked to borrow the cloak and not me?"

"He won't." Remus assured her, moving closer. "James pretends desperately that nothing has ever happened between you and me." He brushed her cheek with gentle fingers then dropped his hand. "Which is probably best for all of us. Besides, that would require him to think about what happened, and I'm not sure the old boy's up to that yet."

"Oh?"

"I think he's a bit embarrassed about his…enthusiasm."

"Did he manage a complete sentence after I'd gone?"

"Eventually," Remus grinned and backed away to sit on the opposite table, his eyes dancing. "When we got around to talking."

"Did I miss much?"

He shook his head, "A bit more of the same."

"Mmm." She stopped, watching him for a moment "You know, I think…" Shaking her head, she lifted her hand to stop his curiosity. "No. I must have been mistaken. You'll have to tell me what I missed."

Remus was suddenly in front of her, between her legs, mouth close to hers. "Only if you return the favor."

"I thought," she paused again, breathless as she stared into his eyes, "you weren't interested in my type anymore."

"In your type, no. In you," he brushed his thumb over her lower lip and swallowed, stepping back as he shoved his hand into his pocket. "Always."

"Flatterer."

"One day, I'm afraid Sirius, the poor bastard, will be enraged to find out the other two members of the party were twice as turned on as he was, knowing you were watching."

"I think it'll serve him right, don't you?"

Remus laughed and reached for the cloak beside her, swirling it over his head. "Mischief managed?"

Lily grinned with pure delight and moved under the cloak with him, her body pressed only slightly too close. "Mischief managed."

finite incantatum

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