Sue's name has never made the list. Even now that they're engaged, he doesn't think he's very good at her - says the wrong thing, does the wrong thing, ends up on the wrong side of a closed bedroom door too often - and he's pretty sure he'll master things like "Ancient Chinese Herbology" before he'll get anything right where Sue's concerned. But right now, even Sue seems easy in the face of his current task.

Christmas shopping.

Christmas shopping for Johnny.

At least in this, there's a chance he might get help. The salesgirls, either recognizing him - in street clothes, not the uniform, thank you very much - or just really out for a commission are gathered together in the edge of his vision, watching him like he's the one limping gazelle in the pack and they're very, very hungry tigers.

"Can we help you?"

There are three of them, and he looks at them each in turn, trying to judge who best might have an idea of what Johnny Storm might like. He knows to get clothes - Johnny's constantly burning through outfits - but he's relatively sure that Johnny wouldn't wear anything Reed might pick out and he's tired of Johnny opening packages and saying "Really, dude? Just…don't." and asking for the receipt.

"Um…Sure." He nods and gestures to the array of clothes in front of him. "I'm looking for clothes."

"For you?" The first girl asks and he glances over, reads her nametag.

"Ah. Um. No, um, Jennifer. For, um…my…"

The second one - a quick glance shows him her name is Kim - "Your boyfriend? I knew Sue was a beard."

"No! NO!" Reed looks slightly horrified. "No."

"Mr. Richards?" The third one - Samantha - moves a little closer and smiles up at him. "Is it for Mr. Von Doom? It's so nice that you buy him presents."

"I don't buy him presents. He's a villain. You don't buy villains presents!" He takes a step back, slightly horrified. "I mean, I send him a card, but that's…that's just courtesy."

She looks crestfallen and he shakes his head. "I…I need a present for Johnny." He glances at the second girl, Kim, and shakes his head. "My brother-in-law. Or soon to be. As soon as Sue and I can get married."

He thinks he hears her mutter something about delusion under her breath, but she looks at the others and they guide him toward another area of the store. The clothes here are blinding with bright colors and logos and things that, if he admits it, Johnny would not only wear, but look like…well, Johnny, in.

He picks a few things, getting the three girls' approval on each one. He's pretty sure that Johnny's likely to die of shock the second he opens the gift, so when they put the last shirt - the one that looks like it might fit Johnny like a second skin, he doesn't even bother to protest. He even manages to ignore the smirk and raised eyebrows the girls give each other.

"Mr. Richards?" The first girl taps him lightly on the arm and then piles another couple of things on top of Johnny's new clothes. "These are for you. Trust us."

"Sue," Kim assures him, "will love them."

He looks down at the outfits, surprised to see that they're not as outrageous as Johnny's, but still sleek and probably will look good on him. He nods. "But will they look good with a bow-tie?"

All three girls' eyes widen and they shake their heads in horrified unison. He laughs and thanks them each individually with a handshake and a smile. He wonders, as the last of them grins sort of goofily at him, if he can add "teenage sales clerks" to the list of things he's good at.

"Have a nice day, Mr. Richards!" They wave to him in unison as well as he carries the pile of things to the register. Setting the things down on the counter, he pulls out his notebook and scrawls their names - no harm in writing a letter to the management about their help.

He takes out another notebook and writes down "Clothes for Johnny" and "Sales Clerks, female". He pays for his purchases and heads out to his car, wondering if he can make something - a sales clerk of his own - who can tell him exactly how to figure out Sue. Might be worth trying and, at least, he's pretty sure it couldn't make things worse.