Five Finger Discount


"You got your hair cut."

"I did, yes." Tim puts on his sunglasses and squints out at the daylight through the windshield. "I went to the barbershop and said 'make me look like a cop'."

"And what did the barber say?"

"Said I was already a smart-ass whitey and I didn't need his help. So I went to the mall where someone just out of beauty school told me I should be a model."

"What would you model?"

"I don't know. Maybe gloves. I've been told I have nice hands." Tim holds his hands out in front of him, observing the long fingers and the buffed nails. "I think it's the powder in the gloves, you know? The ones we wear at crime scenes? Keeps my hands smooth and nice."

"Baby's hands."

"I don't think a baby would have my hands, Frank."

"No, that's what people always say nice hands feel like. Soft, like a baby's hands. Olivia has soft hands."

"It's probably baby powder."

"What is?"

"The powder. In the gloves. Baby powder."

"Then why aren't my hands all smooth and soft?"

"Because you have rough hands, Frank. You're a rougher kind of guy."

"I'm not a rough guy. I'm gentle. Ask Mary. Ask Olivia."

"Olivia can't talk yet, Frank."

"Mary can."

"I'd feel strange asking Mary about your hands. She might take it wrong."

"Why would she take it wrong? I didn't tell her anything about you that would make her take it wrong."

"I didn't say you did, Frank. I just imagine that Mary would rather I didn't think about your hands."

"Probably not. I don't know that I want you thinking about my hands. I'm just saying that my hands aren't nice and smooth and soft."

"Well then, you shouldn't be a hand model."

"Is that what you're going to do? Give up your career as a cop to be a hand model because some hairdresser told you to?"

"I'm not giving anything up, Frank. I'm just telling you what she said."

"Yeah, well, she's an idiot. And so are you."

"I'm just telling you, Frank."

"Shut up and tell me the address."

"Which one is it?"

"What?"

"Shut up or tell you the address? I can't do both."

Frank reaches over and takes the paper from Tim's hand. "Just give me the damn address. Christ."

"See? This is why you should let me drive."


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