I never would have realized it before, partly because I wouldn’t want to admit it and partly because it would have just completely weirded me out, but now that I’ve grown up a little…well, okay now that I’m not just thinking with Little Xander all the time, I can honestly admit that Willow is over me.

Isn’t that the most self-centered thing? I guess dating Cordelia really did rub off on me a little.

Note to self: Keep that thought away from Anya.

Talk about possessive. Next time you think your girlfriend is a little jealous, imagine that she knows every single thing a man can do to betray a woman and knows exactly the most painful ways to punish him for it. And then thank your lucky stars that you are not me.

Which sort of brings us back to Willow. The whole jealousy thing, I mean. Because Anya’s a little jealous, even though she won’t admit it. She knows that the Willow and me thing is over, since Willow and I are rarely alone in a room together and, even when we are, there’s this huge wall between us now, so there’s about as much chance of smoochies going on there as there is of Buffy and Angel living happily ever after.

And then there’s the fact that Willow’s head over heels in love with Giles.

She’s staring at him now, trying to pretend she’s not. Trust me, I avoided noticing that look for enough years to know it when I see it. She’s looking over the edge of her book, turning the pages at a convincing rate, but her eyes are focused on him. They sweep over his body like he’s some sort of centerfold, only she doesn’t stop where the staples usually are. She takes him all in with just one glance and smiles this little half smile, like she’s really satisfied with what she sees.

I mean, I know that she’s still hurting from Oz leaving and the whole betrayal thing is going to leave a scar, but she’s got that look again. She’s always had it a little for Giles, and now she has it a lot; Giles has always been sort of her idol. I mean, it meant a lot to Willow to have someone older look at her with respect. Her parents, while not quite the complete *non*-picnic mine are, were bad enough. They ignored her achievements, not complimenting her on anything she did. They expected her to excel, so the only time she heard anything was when she didn’t live up to their expectations.

So she made sure she did.

It didn’t stop the ranting about her shortcomings, of course. But those didn’t get bad until high school and, by then, she’d found her Giles.

You’d think I’d think he was Buffy’s, since he’s her Watcher and everything, but I think everyone knows that Willow’s number one as far as the big guy’s concerned. I mean, Buffy’s his charge and his duty and he’s worried as hell about her whenever she’s out there battling the big evil, but she’s not who he thinks about whenever he’s not immersed in some two foot thick book of prophecy.

Nope, when he’s alone or when he thinks we’re not watching, or if he’s worried about how things are going down, his thoughts are on Willow. He’ll look for her, kinda unconsciously, making sure she’s safe. I mean, Giles is all British. He’s about as touchy-feely as a porcupine, but he’s always touching Willow, her shoulder, her arm, her back…and he’s hugged her more than once. I’ve been witness to both times, and I’ve seen the look of pure ecstasy on her face.

And I’ve seen the pure happiness on his.

I mentioned that he’s in love with her too, right?

Oh sure, he’s all caught up in what’s right and wrong, and he probably won’t ever touch her in a way that might be taken as “wrong”. But anyone who knows them, well, they know that there’s something in them that calls out to each other.

And I’d bet, if I were a bettin’ man, that when Giles goes to sleep at night, he’s dreaming of her. And when he *doesn’t* go to sleep, if you know what I mean, I’m betting he’s thinking of her then too.

And I can’t believe I just thought that.

Eeww.

I mean, I’ll admit to thinking about Willow a time or two when I was keeping myself company, but I can’t believe I just thought of Giles…ugh.

And Willow…ugh.

Well, not the Willow part. Just the sex with Giles part. I mean, I’m a young man. I shouldn’t be traumatized that way. Although, if I’m just thinking about Willow – and it’s her happiness I’m concerned with here – Giles is probably the perfect guy for her. I mean, he’s considerate, he’s caring, he’d take his time, he’d want her to be happy, he’d love her.

Hell, he already does.

Looking at him, sitting on the couch, casting quick glances at Willow’s long legs and short skirt, I realize that he’s exactly what Willow needs, especially right now, after Oz hurt her so badly. She needs someone who’s been through the whole “loved and lost and gotten over it” thing and will cherish her like she deserves.

You see, I do love Willow, in my own little way, and I know that what she needs, what she wants, what she deserves is someone who can love her a lot better than I can.

Which is why I’m going to slip out of Giles’ apartment and find Anya and play a little game of hide and seek. Maybe Willow and Giles will see me leave and get all inspired.

Or maybe they’ll just spend the night pretending not to look at each other, pretending not to be in love.

I’d bet on the last one, if I were a bettin’ man. But I’m not, because this is the Hellmouth.

Anything can happen.