I will never, ever understand humans.

They spend their lives in search of love. I mean, that’s their big purpose, right? Find the thing that makes it all worth doing. So they rut around each other, sniffing and groping until they find someone who has a smell or a feel they like, and they declare themselves in love. Inevitably, they find someone else who they like the feel or scent of better, and they ruin their lives and call up a vengeance demon or two.

Trust me, I know this from experience.

At least, that’s what most of them do. Then there are the others that have it staring them in the face, pointed out by big, glowing neon arrows, just like in Xander’s favorite cartoons, and they don’t even realize it.

It is so pathetic.

I mean, I have to sit here, right? Because that’s what Xander’s girlfriend would do. And I am Xander’s girlfriend, don’t make any mistakes about that. But anyway, I have to sit here and watch this disgusting by-play and not say a word? What is that all about?

The last time I tried to say something – something helpful, I swear! – Xander and Buffy practically dragged me into the kitchen and gave me a stern talking to.

Apparently, we’re supposed to pretend right along with them.

Denial, thy name is Sunnydale.

Hell, a blind person could see that they’re in love. The cute glances, the soft voices, the concern. It’s disgusting. Really, what self-respecting person could live with that? Don’t they realize they’re just acting like simpering idiots?

Let’s start with Willow. All right, I don’t particularly like the witch, just based on the fact that she’s touched body parts with *my* boyfriend. I’ve mentioned that Xander’s my boyfriend, right? But this little girl act, so coy and naïve. Please! Does she really think anyone other than Giles believes it? Playing the shy innocent would be fine, if any of us actually believed that’s what she was. But she dated a werewolf, she cheated on him with *my* boyfriend, she made Giles blind, she practically cost me and Xander our lives and she made Buffy and Spike all…cute. Ugh. She even got offered *my* old job. How does that fall under sweet and innocent, I ask you?

Not that he’s any better. You’d think, being older, that he’d have some sort of clue as to what’s going on. I mean, I’ve seen his orgasm friend. He must know what he’s doing, because she’s always smiling. So I would think he’d have enough guts to say something. Of course, being British, he’s all repressed, but he’s been around the Hellmouth long enough that you’d figure he’d take his chances while he could.

And this whole thing between them…if I were her? And he brought some other little hussy into his house, right in front of me? I’d be throwing things, calling up locusts and boils and other plagues. I’d be finding me a nice demon to flay the skin from his body and beat him with a boiled chicken.

But she just smiles all accepting and takes it in stride. And he seems to be the only one who doesn’t see that it’s killing her. Maybe because she was so blind and didn’t see what the thought of her and the werewolf did to him.

I really want to say something, but Xander and Buffy glare at me every time I open my mouth. I just don’t see what the harm is in telling them what Xander and I do when there’s lots of tension built up between us.

Not that I usually let it get that far.

They’re doing it again. The staring at each other when they think the other one’s not looking.

I think I might be ill.

Humans.