"I was just thinking, it's a five hour drive, at least. Maybe it would be better if we stopped somewhere. I mean, even if we leave now, we're not going to get home until early in the morning. Are you going to be able to stay awake?"

"You want us to stop and stay at a hotel?"

"I think it would be the smart thing to do." She smiled and he was amazed at the contradiction. Her body was like a sex goddess; her face was the sweet girl he'd grown up with. Willow had become decidedly unpredictable.

"All right, Willow. You're the boss." He pulled out onto the street and started driving. It was almost like leaving a dream world as they got out onto the freeway and left the decadence behind. In the harsh light of the moon and the streetlights, they looked very much like children again. "Anyplace in particular?"

She pointed to a sign by the side of the road. "There's one that's not too expensive." At his look, she laughed. "I think I've spent enough of Dad's money tonight. I can budget when necessary."

He smiled in response and turned on the blinker. When they reached the hotel, he looked down at their attire. "Would you rent a room to us?"

"We do look a little…"

"Willow, we look a lot. You look like you've been…fucked senseless." He blushed at the word but kept speaking. "And I'm in leather pants. I feel like Angel."

She giggled and he was again reminded of the incongruity of her outfit and the personality she showed the world. "Well, who would a motel manager trust more than a 242 year old vampire. Why don't you go in? I'll wait here."

"No way, Wills. It may not be Sunnydale, but its night and there's no top on this car. You're coming with me."

"Xander, I look kind of like…"

"Faith," they both said at once.

"Well, who would a nice motel manager expect to sleep in a dive like this?" Xander opened his door. "Come on. We'll fit right in."

After minimal haggling, they climbed back in the car, key securely in hand. "He gave us the room in the back just out of spite," Xander pouted.

"He just didn't like the fact that you wouldn't share me. Thanks, by the way."

"Hey, you're my Willow. I don't share you with anybody." His smile faded. Wait. He did. "I mean…I mean, except Oz."

Suddenly the fun seemed to slip away into the cool night air. Willow nodded. "Right. Except Oz." She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from him. "We should get to the room. It's getting cold, and this outfit isn't exactly the warmest thing."

"I'm guessing that would be the Eskimo costume?" Xander wanted to kick himself. Good going Harris. Bring up Oz again. He clearly remembered every time Willow had told him the story of how Oz had said he noticed her that night. The night of the dance. The night of Impata. The night Xander Harris once again ignored the beautiful woman who was his best friend.

"Yeah." Tear filled Willow's eyes. Damn him. Why did he have to bring the real world into this fantasy? She'd wanted one night of freedom. She wanted one night of not having to be Willow - the responsible one, the knowledgeable one, the one who always did the right thing. And he'd given her that, for a while. But apparently the respite was over.

Xander parked outside their room. He climbed out of the car and gathered their packages from the trunk. He slammed it shut and stared at the back of her head. She was trying not to cry. He could tell just from the look of her. He knew her so well. Too well.

He moved over to her side and opened the car door. "Your castle, my lady."

She sniffed and managed a weak smile. "Thanks, Xander."

They made their way to the room and Xander slipped the key in the lock. "Wills…"

"I just want to go in now, Xander. Okay?"

"Okay." He turned the lock and they entered the room. Despite its age, it wasn't as bad as he'd expected. There was, however, very obviously only one bed. Funny how he was worried about sleeping next to her after what had happened between them tonight.

Willow shut the door behind them. She clutched her hands behind her back. She didn't know what to do or say. Well, she knew some of what she wanted to do, but it certainly didn't fit in with the mood they were suddenly in. What had happened?

Oh yeah. Oz. And Faith. Although they'd both brought up Faith. He'd brought up Oz.

She reached out a hand and touched his shoulder. Xander turned quickly, dropping the bags at his feet. His chocolate brown eyes searched hers, looking for answers she didn't have. "Willow?"

"Xander?" Tears slipped down her cheek as she lost the will to hold them back. He gathered her in his arms and held her tightly.

Sobs shook her body. She tried to fight the tears, but found she didn't have the strength. She raised her face from the shoulder she'd buried it against to look up at him. Concern marred his features. His hand lifted of it's own volition, stroking her tears away.

"Willow, please don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry. I especially can't stand it when I'm the reason you cry." He didn't add that it was even worse when he wasn't sure exactly what he'd done. "I'm sorry about tonight, Willow."

She pulled away from him. "You are?"

"Not that way…" he began, but he knew it was too late. She'd withdrawn from his arms and wrapped her own around herself. "Willow…"

"I don't want to talk about it, Xander. I get it." She laughed bitterly. "I got it and now I get it. I guess you were taking lessons from Faith after all."

He flinched as though she'd slapped him. "That's not fair."

"Yeah, Xander. I know all about what's fair and what's not. Was it fair that I loved you forever and you had absolutely no clue? Was it fair that as soon as I was in a stable relationship you had to decide it was time to notice me?"

"Don't try to blame all of this on me, Willow. You're the one who invited me on this little road trip. You're the one who wanted to play dress up with someone other than your boyfriend. You're the one who came to me."

"And that was apparently a huge mistake, wasn't it?"

Xander bit the inside of his lips to control his hurt and anger. "I'm going to take a shower and get out of these pants. Suddenly leather has lost its appeal."

Willow threw herself back onto the bed. Damn it. Everything had gone so well, only to fall apart the minute they got back to the real world. Wasn't that just typical of them? In the secret haven of her bedroom or the library or the Factory or the leather shops of the world, she and Xander could exist. In the harsh light of the day, they didn't work. They'd never work.

She glared at the ceiling. But, if she was honest with herself, what she'd done tonight had effectively ruined what she had in the harsh light of day. Oz would know that she wasn't a virgin. And he'd know that there was only one other man she'd be willing to give her virginity to.

Had she done it on purpose? Had she done it hoping that Xander would know what it meant? Not that it mattered now. Xander was in the bathroom washing the night away. Washing away the sweat and semen, sending the evidence of their indiscretion down the drain along with his hopes and dreams. Her hopes and dreams as well.

"Rosenberg, you managed to really, really fuck this up."

Xander stared at himself in the mirror, cursing softly. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," he repeated over and over. He vaguely remembered the warm feeling he'd gotten earlier in the day when she'd said she needed him. If he'd been smart, he'd have asked what exactly she needed him for.

He loved her. He'd loved her forever, even when he was too stupid to realize that's what the feeling was. And now she was sitting on the other side of the flimsy door thinking that *he* thought she was some sort of slut who had planned his downfall.

He really had to stop going for women in leather. They were trouble.

He unzipped the leather pants and struggled out of them. "Okay, note to self," he whispered, "Never put leather on while still sweaty." He picked them up off the floor and draped them over the toilet seat. Pulling off his T-shirt, he stared at himself in the mirror. "You're a jerk, Harris. Go out there and apologize to her."

He stuck his tongue out at his image, shaking his head at the piercing. What the hell had gotten into them tonight?

He shrugged, cast a quick glance at the door, and climbed into the shower.

Willow looked over at the bathroom door and sighed. She should go in there and apologize to him. She heard the water start and sank back onto the bed. No. This was better. Better for them both. She knew it.

She just didn't believe it.

Xander stepped out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist. "You can have it now."

She brushed past him without a word, carrying her clothes in her hands.

He waited until he heard the door shut before ripping off the towel and throwing it angrily at the wall. Digging in the shopping bags, he pulled out his briefs and put them on. His T-shirt was not the cleanest thing and, since he had to wear in when he woke up, he wasn't about to sleep in it.

The king-size bed looked small. How the hell were they supposed to sleep next to each other all night when they could barely managed to talk? He pulled the covers back, throwing the bedspread to the floor. He managed a smile, realizing he was getting the bed the way she'd liked it when they were children. He looked over at the leather pants he'd thrown in one of the bags.

They weren't children anymore. He didn't know what they were.

Willow slipped on her T-shirt and a new pair of panties. She sighed and ran her fingers through her wet hair. This night had gone from the best night of her life to one of the worst. She had to go out there and sleep next to the man she loved. She had to go out there and sleep next to the man she hated. She had to go out there. Badly. Because it was freezing in the bathroom and that's where all the covers were.

She opened the door and walked out to the bed. Dropping the leather skirt, bra and silk overshirt onto the chair, she sat on the edge of the bed. The main bedspread had been thrown to the floor and Xander was curled up on the opposite side, blankets tucked around him.

"Xander?" she whispered.

He didn't answer. She wondered if he was actually sleeping or if he was pretending so that he wouldn't have to talk to her.

"I just wanted to apologize. I don't blame you. At least, no more than I blame myself." She looked down at her hands, missing the look he gave her over his shoulder. "I wish this were easy, Xander. I really do. I don't know what's right. And I don't know if what's right is really what I should do."

The temptation was almost overwhelming. He wanted to hold her and let her know that all was forgiven. He wanted to make sure that she realized nothing would ever change the way he felt about her.

"Oz loves me, Xander. For all the right reasons. And, no matter what we feel about each other, I can't help but think it's for all the wrong reasons. Why else would we have to disguise ourselves from each other? I mean, first a tux and a dress, then a cowful of leather." She reached out a tentative hand and touched the wet tendrils of hair that clung to his ear. "I wish it were different, but I think we both have to accept that, no matter how much we want each other, it's not…" she broke off, tears causing her voice to grow huskier. Finally, with nothing more than a whisper, she managed the rest. "I love you, Xander."

Willow got off the bed and gathered the bedspread from the floor. Wrapping it around her, she sat in the chair by the window and stared out at the moon. It was almost full.

Xander watched her head droop forward as she finally fell asleep. He'd watched her cry, unsure of what to do. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew that he couldn't. She'd stopped believing he could be the man she needed him to be, and he didn't know of a way he could convince her otherwise.

Slipping out from under the covers, he walked over to the chair and picked her up. He carried her slim form to the bed and tucked her under the covers. He brushed the damp hair back, staring down at the face that haunted his dreams. "I love you too, Wills."

Bright sunlight filled the room as the morning dawned with a vengeance. Xander groaned and covered his eyes. His tongue felt like it had grown to the size of a hamster. A warm hand shook him lightly. "Go 'way Mom. No school."

"Xander."

"Wha…?"

"Xander." Willow shoved him a little. "Wake up. It's six. We need to head home."

He opened one eye cautiously. "Wow, Mom. You look a lot like Willow."

"Xander."

He grinned and winced. "Ow."

"Ow?"

"My tongue. Remind me not to do that again."

"What? Pierce it or grin?"

"Either. Or both. I'm not sure which one hurts more." He opened the other eye and stared up at her. She looked like an angel with the sunlight surrounding her. "You look beautiful, Willow. I could get used to waking up to you." He regretted the words as soon as they left him. "I'm sorry, Wills. I didn't mean to say that. I didn't mean to make things awkward…er."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I got so weirded out last night." She lay back down and faced him. They were just inches apart. "Are we gonna be okay, Xander? Friends, like we used to be? Or did last night just mess everything up?"

"I don't think it messed everything up, Willow. But it changed some things. I just don't quite know how yet."

"I guess that's fair enough." She smiled weakly. "I need us to be friends. At least a little bit."

"We're always gonna be friends, Willow. I mean, come on. Look how long you've put up with me. You going to let all that hard work go to waste?"

"I guess not." She got out of the bed quickly, before she gave in to the temptation to kiss him. "I'll get dressed first."

"Hey, Wills?"

"Yes?"

"Do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Don't wear the leather?"