I try not to think about that, instead losing myself in a 70's Blaxploitation film fantasy. I've got a big gun, cheesy fur coat, Willow on one arm, Cordy on the other. Buffy? She's my bodyguard, dressed in tight leather…

There's applause suddenly and I'm snapped out of my reverie. Oz removes his guitar and heads over to us…to her.

"Oz! Hey! Have a seat…except, we don't have seats."

The Bronze is packed. The Dingoes are getting quite the groupies.

"It's okay. I'll just scrunch in."

Wills moves her stool and I realize she's headed my way. I'm frozen like a deer, unable to move. She bumps against me, her eyes as wild as mine must be. I quickly scoot over, pressing ever closer to Cordelia.

"Xander, why are you giving me a lapdance?"

I try to smile, but I imagine it comes out sickly. Stroking her arm, I croak, "What? I just like ya."

She pulls her arm away and puts distance between us.

"And that's very beautiful." Will is talking now, and I realize she and I are not cut out for these games of subterfuge. "I think it's great when two people like two people and want to be close to them instead of anyone else."

Oz is smiling? He thinks she's being cute, I think she's acting guilty as hell. Maybe we're both right. Gotta put my two cents in. "Here, here!"

"Yeah. Well put." Oz points to the cluster of cups in the center of the table. "Hey, can I snap a sip?"

"Sure."

"Yeah, you got it."

My hand touches hers and I lose all motor skills for what seems like hours. Our eyes meet and we both jerk back from the contact.

I feel my hand connect with the waitress' tray and scramble off my stool to try and catch it.

There's a reason I don't play sports. I look at the drinks staining the ground. The room applauds, almost as loudly as they did for the band. Raising my hands, I welcome all who worship the King of the Cretins.

"Thank you! Thank you!" I turn and wave, ignoring Willow and Cordelia's mortified looks. "Uh, we're here through Saturday. Enjoy the veal."

I think, if there was room, Willow would crawl under the table. I climb back onto my stool while Oz grabs a cup. Oh sure. Now he thinks of it.

"Why are you guys so hyper?"

How to change the subject?

"Hey! Speaking of people and things they do that aren't like usual, anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different?"

Oh, good Will. Not suspicious at all.

Oz grimaces and I begin to fear for my life until I realize it's just the drink. "Let's see, uh, killing zombies…uh, torching sewer monsters and… No. That's pretty much the, uh, same old Buffster." I really have to start practicing.

But Willow's distracted now and taking everyone off on her new train of thought. "Well, I just mean, you know, she's off by herself a lot more, and she's kind of…distracted."

Cordelia smiles happily. "Think maybe she has a new honey?"

"A boyfriend? Why wouldn't she tell us?"

I wonder briefly at the thought of Buffy dating. Does it bother me?

"Excuse me? When your last steady killed half the class, and then your rebound guy sends you a dump-o-gram? It makes a girl shy."

Nah. Can't be a guy. "But we're the best of Buffy's bestest buds. She'd tell us."

"Tell you what?"

Sheesh, her and the vampires. Sneaky. We all look at her, eyes questioning. My other, very unofficial, gal.

"About your new boyfriend. Who we made up. Unless we didn't?" Willow's curious, but I can tell she's maybe a little hurt at the thought of Buffy holding out on her.

"This was a topic of discussion?"

"Well, raised. But never discussed." Oz was deadpan. Was he ever anything else?

"So are you dating somebody or not?" That's my Cordelia - the soul of patience and tact.

Buffy is stalling, and I'm starting to worry. Has she been hiding something from us?

"I wouldn't use the word dating. But I am going out with somebody. Tonight, as a matter of fact."

"Really? Who?" Looks like Will's curiosity won.

Someone touches my shoulder and I look to see Faith moving in to our little group.

"Yo. What's up? Hey, time to motorvate." She nudges Buffy casually and she responds by putting her arm around her partner in non-crime.

"Really, we're just good friends."

I watch them leave the club, ignoring whatever else is now taking place around me. I'm off in my fantasyland again, this time with two slayers and thoughts too naughty to mention.

God, I've never been so tired.

We've been here for so many hours, I'm not sure if it's day or night. All I know is that I've looked through more books tonight than ever before in Slayerette history. Had I known we'd be breaking records tonight, I would have called a press conference.

Cordy and Oz went home hours ago, both practically asleep on their feet. We had to force them to leave. Will and I stayed, but now I'm tempted to call it quits.

Giles is scowling at one of the many thick books that surround him, and I'm just staying out of his way. The last thing he wants to hear right now is that we have found more of absolutely nothing. According to Buffy, this new Watcher is an uber-Giles and he's feeling threatened, his Watcher manhood on the line.

"Oh, this is intolerable. There's not a word here about Lagos or the Glove." He's really upset. He's slamming books around like they were the bad guys. "We don't have time for this near missing."

He drops the book on the table and I get the sneaky suspicion he'd much rather throw it across the room. Turning, he tells us the same thing he's said all night.

"Just find out all you can about the demon, its-its-its strengths, its-its weaknesses, its places of origin, and most importantly, what it plans to do with this blasted Glove."

He's pointing at me with his glasses, getting close to actually poking me. I realize he's upset and frustrated, but I'm tired, cranky and I've got problems of my own. Hello breaking point. "Hey, you're not the Watcher of me."

"Then go home. But if you chose to stay, then work."

I just stare at him as he heads for his office, trying hard not to give in to the temptation of sticking my tongue out at him. I head for the stacks, properly chastised. I have to help. It's my job.

"Ugh." Willow slams her - what? 700th? - book of the night closed. "It's late. I'm tired. What does he want from us, anyway?"

We make our way back to the little nest of books we've created.

"The number of a qualified surgeon to remove the British flag from his butt?"

She sits next to me and it feels more like collapsing. The fatigue washes over us both as I pick up yet another book.

"My eyes are all blurry."

I try like hell to concentrate on the book, ignoring her presence next to me. And I'm doing all right, until she moans.

"Ooh…"

She's leaning forward, rubbing her temples. I cast a few furtive glances her way. I'm arguing with myself now - Cordelia's my girlfriend. Willow's my best friend. And that's all.

But I still reach out. I pull her hair back a little and start rubbing. Her hands fall to her lap as she gives in to my touch. I close my eyes for a second as the memory of every other woman I've ever lusted after - Miss French, Ampata, Buffy, Cordelia - is gone.

All that's left is her and the beating of my heart as she moans a little more.

"Oh, stop."

Stop. "Right." I can't stop. "Stop means no…" I don't * want * to stop. "And no means no, so um…" I have to stop. "Stop."

I pull away and she sits up. I pick up the book again, hoping to use a demon or two to get my mind off her. And I can, I'm sure of it. Until suddenly, she grabs me and I'm lost in Willow's kiss.

I reach up to touch her for a million reasons. To pull her closer. To keep her from changing her mind. To make sure she's real. Her hand strokes my jaw line and I keep wishing she'd bury her fingers in my hair.

I want to pull her closer, kiss her harder, deeper.

"Willow, Xander…"

We break apart and scramble to our feet. I'm worried that we're going to knock over the bookcase. My heart is pounding, my breathing labored. Oh God, did he see us?

"…You can stop your, uh, studying."

Right. Studying. Demons. I wipe my mouth, trying to erase any evidence of the kiss. Did he see? Does he know? Are we both going to die? Willow's hugging herself, biting her nails with worry.

"I've got what I need."

I try to speak, but have trouble finding my voice. "What have you got?'

"Uh, the probable location of the Glove on Myhnegon." He looks at us both, and I breathe a sigh of relief. If he saw, he ain't talkin'. "It's, uh, housed in the Von Hauptman family crypt."

"Yeah." Okay brain. Work. "That's the big one over at the Restfield Cemetery."

Willow's practically shaking and my overwhelming urge is to hold her. I've got to get out of here. "Yeah, well, that's great, Giles. Um, how'd you find it?"

"I looked."

This looks like a job for the Slayer. "Where's Buffy at?"

"Uh, I'm not sure."

Isn't that his job? Well, I guess this is a job for Xander Harris, action man. "Well, I'll go check out this, uh, crypt." I start to leave, knowing I've got to put some distance between us. I look at her as I walk past her. And I've got to do it now, because it's getting harder and harder. But on the plus side, I'm not tired anymore. "Um, tell her heads-up if she, uh, stops by."

I walk out, even though Willow is still talking to Giles. I can't stand hearing the guilt in her voice. And I can't stand facing mine.

So here it is. Restfield Cemetery. One of twelve in the city. Why does no one find that odd? I make my way through the headstones, crypts and mausoleums trying to control my breathing. Heavy breathing is just a little too loud when there are no other sounds.

What the hell am I doing out here? I'm not the Slayer. But I'm also not in the library with Willow, pretending we didn't just experience our own personal fourth of July. "Hey, Giles, here's a nifty idea. Why don't I alleviate my guilt by goin' out and gettin' myself really, really killed?"

What's that noise? I duck behind some bushes close to the Von Hauptman's home away from home and wait. Sure enough, I hear the stone door grinding and a figure comes out, carrying something that I'm gonna guess is the golden glove.

I'm torn between rushing back to Giles to get some backup and following this demon-guy or whatever to his lair when the moonlight hits him just right.

Angel.

My world comes crashing down around my shoulders as that one name echoes through my head.

Slipping the stake out of my sleeve, I follow him. My greatest enemy.

I give him a few minutes after he enters the mansion. Why did none of us think to check here? Why did we just assume that he'd be gone forever? Since when in Sunnydale does "I killed him" mean "He's dead. For good."?

I sneak down the outside stairs, marveling at how cocky this bastard is. There are windows everywhere in this place. Good for me, not so good for vampires. I'll have to remember that little tidbit to tell Buffy. I look in the window, bracing myself, expecting to see Angel in full vamp mode looking out at me.

It's not enough, the bracing. Nothing could ever be enough to prepare me to see him. Kissing her. Kissing Buffy.

My heart is pounding. I'm running faster than I've ever run before, and that includes the times the demons have been running after me. I'm trying not to think, but the thoughts keep swirling in my brain. * Buffy was kissing Angel * * The world is going to end * * Oh, God, why does she have to love a demon? * *Why the fuck was she kissing Angel? * * Where did he come from? *

It keeps going. A never-ending cycle of questions and emotions that threaten to overtake me. I'm pissed and hurt and frightened like I've never been before. Nothing bothers me as I practically fly to Giles' apartment. I think, right now, the night is afraid of me.

I slam into the door, thankful it's unlocked. It flies back into the wall and I burst in on him and Miss Post. Any other time, a patented smart-ass Xander Harris comment would have marked my entrance, but tonight all I can do is gasp.

"Giles! We have a big problem! It's Buffy."

Even worried for my life and the lives of all my friends, I don't break the Slayerette code. She's still a stranger, even if she is a Watcher.

"Will you excuse us?"

He walks over to me, ramrod straight. Obviously I did interrupt something so not of the romantic nature. We stand over by the staircase and I briefly wonder how he can still live here after finding Miss Calendar. Which brings me right back to tonight's double jeopardy question.

"What about Buffy?" He's worried, I can tell by his expression. That's good. I want him worried. I don't want to be the only one.

"Mansion." I still haven't caught my breath. "Angel. She was kissing Angel."

"Angel?" He was about to comment when she speaks up.

"Would you like some assistance?"

We look up at her, dead silent. Giles smiles narrowly. He does not like this woman. "Thank you. That won't be necessary."

She turns around and he looks at me, his eyes hard. "Go to the library. Tell the others. I'll meet you there later."

I start to leave, but his hand on my sleeve stops me.

"I don't have to tell you how…"

"No Giles. You don't."

Oz holds the library door open for Willow and Cordelia. They both look like they've just gotten out of bed. And for good reason. I mean, a good reason other than my fantasy life. Oz…looks just like Oz.

"All right, Harris. This better be good. I'm not wearing make-up."

And she looks beautiful. Okay. Focus.

"Sit down. You're not going to like this."

We're all sitting in the same seats we sat in last night as we figured out how we were going to do this. When Giles finally arrived, he had four very upset teenagers to calm down. I don't think it worked. All I can feel is this overwhelming anger that I'm trying to control and not doing a very good job. And I'm not sure what I'm more scared of; Angel or the fact that it would be so easy to turn into my father.

Giles is standing by the railing, his back to all of us. I can't even imagine what he's going through. I remember what he looked like when I found him that day. It took him most of the summer to heal from the damage Angelus had caused. He'd lost more than most of us to Buffy's beau, I just hoped he had something to hold onto.

"Lagos is out of luck. I got the magic mitten thingy."

He turns, just as we all do, to look at her. Our savior. Our betrayer?

"What's with the tragedy masks?"

"Better take a seat, Buffy."

I get up, since there are no more chairs, setting mine right in front of her. I step away; not wanting to be too close to her, afraid the anger inside me will spill out.

"What's going on?" She sits down, honestly confused. She's got us all fooled.

"We know Angel is alive." She looks shocked, horrified. Maybe guilty? "Xander saw you with him. It would appear that you've been hiding him and that you lied to us."

She looks away, probably afraid to face us now that she's been caught.

Willow straightens a little in her chair. "Nobody's here to blame you, Buffy. But this is serious. You need help."

I wonder if Willow sees any parallels here. I sure do, and I barely passed Geometry.

"It's not what you think." Buffy's looking at Wills imploringly, begging her to understand. I figure I'd better say something before she sways Willow to her side.

"Hope not. Because I think you're harboring a vicious killer." My face is impassive. Even the look she gives me can't get through.

"This isn't about attacking Buffy. Remember, 'I' statements only. 'I feel angry.' 'I feel worried.'"

"Fine. Here's one." Cordy speaks up and I look over at her. "I feel worried…about me! Last time around, Angel barely laid a hand on Buffy. He was *way * more interested in killing her friends."

"But he's better now."

"Better for how long, Buffy? I mean, did you even think about that?" Think about us?

She stands up, and I can tell she doesn't think that she deserves this. "What is this? Demons Anonymous?" She starts to leave and my anger starts to build. "I don't need an intervention, here."

"Oh, don't you?" Giles' voice is soft but steely. Buffy turns and faces him. "You must've know it was wrong seeing Angel or you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us."

"I was going to tell you." Right. "I was. I..it was just that I…I didn't know why he came back. I just wanted to wait."

Building. "For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?"

She's defensive now, hurt. "I'm not going to…" She raises her hand as if to ward me off. "We're not together like that."

Oz, calm as always, brings us back on track. "But you were kissing him."

Willow looks at Oz then at Buffy. Buffy is quiet for a minute before she turns to me. "You were spying on me?" She steps toward me. "What gives you the right?"

I stare at her. I want to say so many things. I wasn't following you, I was following him. Miss Calendar? Giles? All the other people Angel killled? All the people he threatened? Does she not remember Willow in his grip, neck poised for biting? What gives me the right?

"What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?"

She stops staring at me and turns to Cordelia, hoping to see acceptance or even understanding in one of our faces. "It was an accident."

"What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?" Okay, I'm not thinking of Willow. I'm not thinking of Willow.

"It was wrong, okay? I know that, and I know that it can't happen again. But you guys have to believe me. I would never put you in any danger. If I thought for a second that Angel was going to hurt anyone…"

The anger has stopped building now. If I don't let it out it's going to explode. "…you would stop him. Like you did last time with Miss Calendar."

That shut her up.

I freeze at my thought. How many times had I heard my father utter those words? Willow jumps in now, perhaps seeing something on my face. "Buffy, I feel that when it comes to Angel, you can't see straight. And that's why we're, we're all gonna help you face this."

"But he's better now, I swear. Look, you guys, he's the one that found the Glove of Myhnegon. H-he's keeping it safe for us in the mansion."

God, is she really this stupid? Does he make her this stupid? "Right! Great plan! Leave tons of firepower with the scary guy, and leave us to clean up the mess." While you run away. I don't say that, but my anger from this summer is fresh again. She's my friend and I love her, but I'm tired of trying to pick up the pieces every time things go wrong.

I can't take it anymore. I turn to leave, knowing that we're not going to get through to her, no matter how long we talk or what we say. It's like it was when Druscilla hypnotized Kendra. He's got that hold on her. And there's only one way to break it.

She knows what I'm thinking, I imagine, which is why she grabs my arm and whirls me around to face her. "You'd just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?"

"I don't need an excuse. I think lots of dead people actually constitutes *a reason *."

"Right. This is all nobility. This has nothing to do with jealousy."

I smirk. I want to tell her that I'm so far past her that it's not even funny. I want to reveal to her all the things I've done since I've moved on. I'm just about to when one of those things speaks up.

"Hello? Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet?" My smirk almost makes it to a smile. My woman, defending us.

Buffy shakes her head. "Don't you start with me."

Willow is visibly upset. "Giles, no one's doing the 'I' statements."

He's had enough. We all have. "That's enough! Everybody. Now, Buffy knows our concerns, and her actions, however ill-advised, can be understood." We all look at him like he's crazy. Except Buffy. She thinks her Watcher's siding with her. "Our…priority right now is to retrieve the Glove of Myhnegon and try to destroy it. Now, all of you, back to classes."

We file out, me in the lead. The anger's still hot inside me. I roll my eyes so Buffy can see and leave. But this isn't over. Not over by far.

Continues