Xander held the Twinkie to his lips and demonstrated the patented Harris Twinkie eating technique. Connor watched, his eyes wide, then tried to imitate him. He got half the snack in his mouth when Willow walked into the kitchen.

"Xander!"

He jumped to his feet, pretending he hadn't been sitting on the counter. "Hey, Wills."

"Xander, dinner's in a half an hour. You're spoiling his appetite." She walked up to her son and took hold of the Twinkie still dangling from his lips. "Bite."

He bit, setting half of it free. Willow set it on the wrapper and raised her eyebrows. Connor bit his lower lips and smiled meekly. "I's learning."

"You were learning your Uncle Xander's bad habits. Don't believe anything he teaches you." Willow turned to glare at Xander. "Now, go see your Grandpa and Grandma." She helped him down from the counter, setting him on his way with a soft pat on his bottom.

Once he was out of the room, Xander cleared his throat. "Sorry, Wills. I forget you guys actually cook dinner."

She sighed and sat at the kitchen table. "Xander, I know you're trying to be good, and you are great with him…But please, don't teach him anything? I don't want him to grow up thinking that kitchens are only good for calling for take-out. And that school is bad and women…"

His brown eyes darkened. "And women what?"

She shrugged, staring down at the mahogany surface. "You weren't very nice to women when you were younger. Or older."

"I see." He took a deep breath. "I thought I was pretty good to you, Willow."

Nodding, she met his eyes. "You were. To me. Until we grew up a little. I want him to see what's in front of him, Xander."

The silence in the room was deafening. She could see the anger inside him and couldn't help but wonder if she had put it there. "I never knew you had such a low opinion of me, Willow."

"I have a low opinion of men." She stood and walked into the living room. It hadn't changed since high school. She could close her eyes and imagine sitting on the couch, trying to seduce Oz on Christmas Eve. She could picture the thousands of hours she, Xander and Jesse had wrestled on the floor in front of the TV, trying to get control of the remote.

She could remember lying on the couch planning out her life.

It hadn't quite worked out the way she'd planned.

He came up behind her, resting his arms on her shoulders. He could see the changes in her, even from behind. She'd grown so much. The strength of her character was now in the long line of her back, her hair was still cut short, bobbing at chin length, her shoulders seemed more sloped, carrying the weight of motherhood.

And he knew, if he spun her around, her green eyes would be haunted by whatever horror her ex-husband had committed. Whatever Oz had done, it had succeeded at putting shadows in her eyes. And that was something even the Hellmouth had never done.

The green was no longer the sharp, dark green of a branch deep in the forest, untouched by the sun. Instead it was flat, dull. It was as though the day held no joy for her anymore. Unless Connor was around. Then, and only then, did she have Willow's eyes.

"Willow, I'm sorry…"

"For what?"

He closed his eyes, hating himself for making her cry. "That I hurt you, so long ago. That I ruined whatever chance it was that we had by being…me."

She laughed softly. "You didn't ruin anything, Xander."

"I missed my friend," he whispered into her hair, his warm breath caressing her ear. "I missed my Willow."

She was about to respond when a small force hurled itself at Xander's legs, small fists pummeling him. "Get away from my Mommy! You can't have my Mommy! She's mine! You can't take her!"

Willow moved out of Xander's grip and sank to her knees, gathering Connor into her arms. "Connor, honey, what's wrong? Mommy's not going anywhere."

"He's trying to take you away, like the lady took Daddy. He's trying to take you away from me!" His voice was thick with the tears that spilled down his apple red cheeks. His green eyes flashed with anger, fear and hatred as they stared up at Xander. "You're bad, just like the lady!"

Pressing him to her shoulder, Willow let him cry his agonizing sobs against her. She stood and started for the stairs. "You should go."

"No. He needs to get used to me, to know I'm not trying to take you away. If I leave, it's going to happen every time."

"You need to go, Xander. There's not going to be another time." The tears were in her voice as well, the memories darkening her eyes. "If being too close to you is going to make him afraid, well, I'm sorry, but my son comes first."

"Willow, he doesn't have to be afraid." Swallowing hard, Xander touched her shoulder lightly. "My mom never explained why my dad was always so mad. So I always thought it was my fault. Even when I was older and knew better, I still - deep down - thought it was me. I've kind of been there, Wills. Let me help? Let me teach one good thing?"

She nodded faintly and turned back to the stairs. Xander followed quietly, his heart pounding in his chest. He leaned against the door as Willow lay Connor on her old bed. "Honey? Are you okay?"

"Make him go 'way, Mommy?"

Her eyes pleaded with Xander, but he shook his head. "Why do you want your Uncle Xander to go away, Honey? I thought you liked him?"

"Do. But he's gonna take you 'way…" His sniffles and shuddering breath wrenched Willow's heart.

"No he's not. I'm always going to be here for you. No one could take me away from you."

"Someone took Daddy away."

She closed her eyes, not caring as the tears made tracks down her face. "I know, Honey. But Daddy didn't leave because he didn't love you. He left because he didn't love Mommy." She took a deep breath. "He found someone new that he loved more, and he wanted to take you with him, but I couldn't let you go."

"But when Daddy said goodbye last time, she said that I wouldn't ever see him again, because she was taking him away…"

Willow cursed softly under her breath, then forced a smile onto her face. "You don't need to worry about what she said. She was just teasing. I wish you'd have told me earlier so that you wouldn't have been so afraid." She smoothed back the unruly tangle of his hair. "And you don't have to worry about Uncle Xander, he'd never…"

Xander's hand on her shoulder stopped her. "I'd never ask your Mommy to leave you, Connor. If I ever went anywhere with her, I'd take you along. I promise. Okay?"

The small boy nodded sleepily before closing his eyes, his breath still coming in soft hiccups. Willow rose from her seat on the mattress and left the room, headed downstairs. Xander shut the door behind them and followed her.

"That bitch!" Willow kicked the leg of the couch then kicked it again for good measure. Sinking to the ground in front of it, she buried her head against her knees.

Xander sank down beside her, stroking her head. "Willow, please tell me what's going on?"

She sobbed softly for a few moments before she raised her head. "We got married and it was so great, Xander. He was still Oz, you know?" Her eyes met his and she tried to smile. "Then I got pregnant and money was tight. He started taking more gigs with his band at night as well as working all day. Whenever I would ask him about staying home, he'd get mad and tell me he had to provide."

Xander moved slightly, leaning back against the couch. Spreading his legs, he pulled her between them, letting her lean on his strength. "Go on."

She relaxed against him, closing her eyes as the warm feel of his body enveloped her. "I went into labor the night of the full moon. He was at home, locked up…or so I thought." She shivered slightly. "When I got home from the hospital, the house was terrorized and Oz was lying in the living room, naked. He'd been out of it the entire three days. He lost his job."

"How'd he get out of the chains?"

"In a second." She took a deep breath. "He found another job easily enough, although it paid less. So that meant more nights out with band. And the new lead singer."

"Let me guess, a woman?"

Willow nodded. "Her name's…Kate. Katherine, really. She was their lead singer for about a year before anything happened between them. It was another full moon. Oz had apparently learned how to get out of the chains when something called to the wolf in him. It happened the night Connor was born because he wanted to be with his young."

Xander drew in his breath, cursing Oz silently.

"And he did that night, because he wanted to be with her." She was quiet for a long time. "I was next door dropping Connor off. We didn't want him to be frightened. I'd left the front door open a little and he left. He went to her. And he bit her."

"Bit her?"

Her laughter was like a knife in his chest. "She's a mage. A witch of sorts. She called to him with a spell and enticed the wolf to her. He was under her control, so the bite…well, lets just say the band doesn't perform on the nights near a full moon." A fresh wave of tears overtook her. Xander wrapped his arms around her waist and held her while she cried. "Wolves are supposed to mate for life, did you know that?"

"If it's a spell, Willow…"

"I researched it, after I found out…a couple months later. He came home the next day like nothing had happened. I know that Giles said that he doesn't remember anything that happens when he's a wolf, but I can't help but wonder." Her shoulders shook with her sobs. "She bragged to me one night, so I found the spell and researched. It's not something that lasts. It was only the one time. But when…when he mated with her as the wolf, he was hers. Forever."

"So you guys split up?"

"No." She laughed again, bitterly. "No, we went through two years of him avoiding being home at night with me. I could do anything…I could undress in front of him. I could use any sex tool or toy imaginable. I could rub myself against him, I could go down…"

"That's enough, Will. I get it." Xander took a deep breath of his own, trying to ignore the softly sobbed sentences that she'd spoken. He suddenly regretted that he was holding her so closely as the images danced in his head and affected his body.

"Nothing. I couldn't excite him. Then one night, she came over. She walked into the room and I could tell he had an erection. She just had to walk in." The tears were gone from her voice replaced by anger. "She didn't care that he had a son. She didn't care that I was his wife. She wanted him, so she took him. But she let it hurt first."

"I'm sorry, Willow. I wish you would have called or written or anything. I would have been there for you."

"Oz asked for joint custody when he finally filed for divorce. I agreed. I don't think he loves her Xander. But I think he can't live without her. And I wanted him to know his son. I wanted Connor to grow up with his father in his life." She pulled away from him and wrapped her arms around her knees again. "But then, Connor was afraid of her. And he didn't want to be around Oz anymore. And now this. She's succeeded in taking us completely out of Oz's life."

"And you still love him?"

"I'll always love him. He was my husband. My first lover. He was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But once he started walking out of my life, even before her, I knew that we'd made the wrong choice."

Xander nodded even though she couldn't see him. "I wish there was something I could say."

"Just don't say I told you so."

He laughed softly. "I could tell you my story. It's not quite so bad, although it seemed it at the time."

She turned around to face him. "Sure. I could use a good laugh."

Grabbing a pillow off the couch, Xander swung it at her, hitting her in the arm. Willow grabbed for it, catching it and swinging it at him. Ducking under the blow, he grabbed her around the waist and pinned her to the floor, his fingers chasing along her ribcage, tickling her.

Her laughter was like music to his ears, filling the house with light. He lay with his legs between hers and looked down at her. The shadows were gone for the moment and her eyes were like the eyes the girl he loved had. "Feel better?"

She nodded. "No."

"I dated a little. Nobody important." He held himself above her, his weight balanced on his arms. His lower body fitted to hers and he knew he was on dangerous ground. "I couldn't find the right one, the right someone. So I thought, maybe I should stop dating the next pretty girl and try and find the girl I loved."

Willow nodded, trying to ignore the feel of him against her. Her body, so long without a lover's touch, seemed to mold to his.

"I thought about all the girls…women I've loved, trying to figure out what I was looking for. I like strong women, did you know that?"

She giggled. "I got that idea. You like Slayers."

"Not just Slayers. Cordelia, she was strong in her own way. And you…you were always strong, Willow."

"Not as strong as you think."

He shook his head. "I like smart women. Strong, smart, sexy. Lots of S words. So I looked around Sunnydale and found a girl that fit the bill."

"Buffy," she whispered. Her body stiffened beneath his and he could feel her pulling away from him, physically and emotionally.

"Willow…"

"No." She pulled out of his embrace and managed to make it to her feet. "Thanks for listening, Xander, but I think you should go. My father's going to want dinner soon, and I need to spend time with him before it's too late." The tears were back and she tried desperately to hold them off. "I have to go." She spun around and ran up the stairs, away from him.

Collapsing to the floor, Xander buried his head in his hands. "Fuck."