She was standing there, waiting for him, although the door was closed.

"Willow? Can we please talk about this?"

She shook her head.

"Damn it, Willow! Why is it you're allowed to disappear for years with Oz without so much as a goodbye, but I can't go out on a few dates with Buffy?"

"It's different."

"How? Why? Because you loved him? That makes it better? That makes it okay? I only kissed her, Willow. You had his child."

"Like I said, Xander. It's different."

"So, if I got Buffy pregnant, we could talk about this?" She turned away and he mentally cursed his stupid mouth. "I'm sorry, Willow. I am. But you're not even giving me a chance here. Don't you at least owe me that?"

She wrapped her arms around herself, as if she were holding herself together. He could almost hear her sigh. He smiled, even after all their time apart, he could still read her. She turned around and opened the door. "You know," she said once he'd entered the room, "I can't count the hours I spent here planning. I planned it all, Xander. Our first kiss, our first time, our wedding. I planned every last detail. That's how sure I was that we were going to end up together."

He sat on the end of the bed, not speaking. He glanced briefly at Connor's sleeping form.

"Do you realize we didn't share any of those? Do you even remember your first kiss? Do you remember who it was? Mine was with Oz. I kissed him. Our first kiss was when we were both with someone else." She looked around the room, staring at all the mementos from high school that still adorned the walls. "Your first time was with Faith."

The room filled with nervous tension as she managed to say the name they hadn't spoken between them in over five years. Her green eyes were full of memories. When he looked at her, he could almost see her, sitting in the cafeteria with Buffy and Giles listening to him break her heart.

"And mine was with Oz. We're just best friends and missed opportunities." Sighing, Willow sat down at her desk. "If it hadn't been for Buffy, it would have been different."

"We'd be dead."

She smiled. "That'd be different."

"Willow? I'm not sure I'm following…"

"I love Buffy, Xander. I wouldn't trade her friendship for anything in this world or any other. She's like a sister to me. But she's what made it all change. She's the reason Cordelia started hanging with us instead of hating us. She's how I met Oz…I would never have been brave enough without her. I never would have looked at anyone but you without her." She looked down at her hand, staring at the simple gold band on her finger. "The thought of you, with her…I can't explain it."

"Willow, you can't know that things wouldn't have changed."

"I do. I wouldn't have changed. And don't get me wrong, I like me. I liked the me she helped me be. But sometimes, when I look at her, I wonder what me I'd be if…" She twisted the ring, unable to meet his eyes. "When you saw her, every hope I had of you ever seeing me disappeared. I couldn't compete."

"I don't love her, Willow."

She met his eyes. "Maybe not, but you loved her then. And I was just your best friend. Which was still an amazing thing to be." She sniffed back tears. "The one thing that gave me hope when it came to you was the fact that Buffy would always say no. She would never think of you that way. But she did."

"Five years later." His dark eyes were confused. "But nothing happened. She made me realize that I'm still hung up on you."

"You don't love me, Xander." She stood up and walked over to her son. She reached down with a gentle hand and brushed his cheek. "You love the girl you used to know. She doesn't exist anymore. She disappeared the day I left Sunnydale. I told you before that you didn't know me, and I meant it. Now, I think you should go."

"Will you give me the chance to get to know you? Will you give yourself a chance…"

"My heart is off limits." She looked at him, steel in her gaze. "It's off limits to everyone except him." She nodded to the sleeping boy. "It's especially off limits to you, Xander."

"Why?"

She laughed sadly. "You've already broken it too many times."

Buffy glanced at the clock beside her bed, moaning when she saw the early hour. She rolled out from under the covers and padded to the front door. A quick glance out the peephole shook the sleepiness from her. She unlocked the door and swung it open. "Hey Will."

"Can I come in?"

Buffy nodded, stepping back. Willow hesitated for a moment before stepping inside the apartment. "How did you…I didn't know you knew where I lived."

"Giles told me." She walked into the small living room and sat on the loveseat. "I'm sorry it's so early."

"It's okay." Buffy locked the door again and moved to sit in the chair opposite her. "I'm guessing there's something on your mind?" When Willow didn't respond, she sighed. "I'm guessing it's me and Xander?"

Willow's green eyes met her blue ones. "He told me about you guys dating."

"I don't know that dating is really the word. We went out five times. The first time, he took me to the movies on my birthday, which for once, didn't end up like some horror story. Although the movie was awful."

Willow couldn't help but giggle. "I bet you'd take a bad movie over a birthday surprise any day?"

Buffy laughed as well and nodded vigorously. "He shared his popcorn with me, which I know is a big step on Xander's part - almost a commitment. But after that, he walked me home, we staked a few of the undead hanging around, and he blushed and stammered his way out of kissing me goodnight."

"Xander?"

"I was surprised too, especially since it had been…a while since he'd dated. So we went out again, because I had a feeling he was trying to prove something to himself. He managed to kiss me that time, but it was over before I could even pucker." Buffy pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "After that, we managed one real kiss that made us both realize that as a couple, we weren't. There was no real chemistry between us. I'm too in love with Angel."

Willow sighed. "I'm sure he was heartbroken."

"No. He wasn't. Because he's too in love with you."

She shook her head. "He says that, you say that. But how am I supposed to believe it? I asked my mother every time I talked to her if she'd seen or talked to him. And every time, she said no. He never asked about me, Buffy."

"Willow, do you think maybe your Mom didn't want to add fuel to the fire between you and Oz? She knew things weren't going well, didn't she? Maybe she thought if you were worried about Xander, you weren't trying to save your marriage."

"He was my friend forever, shouldn't I be concerned about him?"

"Yeah, Will. You should. But you don't hear the change in your voice when you talk about Xander. It's different. It softens and you're like the girl you were in high school again. It can be dangerous loving two men. Especially when one of them is a werewolf."

Imitating Buffy's posture, Willow hugged her own knees. "Putting your feelings about what happened between me and Oz aside…did Xander miss me, Buffy? Honestly?"

Buffy ran her hand through her tousled blonde hair. "Willow, if I had a dollar for every time I heard your name in the five years you were gone, I'd be richer than Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise and Jim Carrey combined. He didn't just miss you, Willow. He realized what you mean to him."

"You think I should stay, after Dad…after he's gone, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. And not just so that I can have my best friend back." Buffy got off the chair and moved over to hug her. " Your heart is here."

Willow brushed the hair back from her forehead and sighed. Leaning back against the seat, she stared out the windshield of the car at the building in front of her. This was a stupid thing to do. She'd already made a decision that she wasn't going to stay in Sunnydale. She wasn't going to let her son grow up here. It didn't matter that some of the best times of her life had happened here. Sunnydale was home to monsters and vampires and everything evil a person could imagine. This was no place to raise a child.

Yet she had grown up here and survived. She'd become a better person for what she'd gone through. Her family was here. Her friends were here. Sunnydale High School loomed large in front of her. Oz wasn't here.

She got out of the car and walked up to the school. Making her way to the library, she pushed open the doors and surveyed the room. Giles looked up from the book he was reading, his smile genuine. "Hello, Willow."

"The school's looking for a new computer teacher. They called when they heard I was home." She kept one hand on the swinging doors. "What do you think?"

Giles closed the book and removed his glasses. Looking at her intently, he shrugged. "You don't want to stay. You're afraid to stay."

"Why am I afraid, Giles? I've faced things worse than this."

"You're afraid staying will just prove to you that you made a wrong choice. But Willow, life is full of choices and we often make the wrong ones. And sometimes we make the right ones at the wrong time. You're no different than the rest of us."

"Are all the choices so hard?" She walked into the room, moving over to the table. When she sat across from him, she had tears standing in her eyes. "I thought it would be easier after high school. I thought if I left, all the hard choices would be behind me."

"Sunnydale doesn't have the exclusive rights to evil. And unfortunately, evil isn't the only bad thing out there." He raised his glasses back up and put them on. "Why would you think it gets easier? You saw me when I had to make decisions that could have easily sent all of you to your premature deaths. You saw the things that I struggled with. Did you honestly think they were simply problems a Watcher faces?"

"I was hoping." She sighed. "I don't want to stay here. I'm afraid."

"Fear is very good for keeping you alive."

"He's just a baby."

Giles nodded. "Yes. But you were a child here and you survived. Did more than survive. You became an amazing young woman."

"You have to say that."

"I'd like very much to see you stay, as would everyone. But if you need to leave, Willow, we'll support you in that too." He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "We're your friends. That doesn't change. Not with time or fear."

"I could help more, if I worked here. Mom's willing to watch Connor while I work, since she's taking care of Dad too." She smiled. "You haven't met him yet, have you?"

"No." He shook his head slightly.

"Would you mind very much? Being Grandpa Giles?"

His laughter filled the room, joined quickly by hers. Leaning back in his chair, he folded his arms over his chest. "I think I'd rather like it."

"I'm going to take the job, aren't I?"

He nodded and she sighed, resting her chin on her hand. "Is it going to get easier, Giles?"

"No."

Willow shut the door behind her and turned around. The small projectile hit her squarely in the nose. "Connor!"

"It wassen me. Xander." He pointed at the object of his accusation. "He threw it."

"Xander?"

He picked up the stuffed animal and hid it behind his back. "Sorry?"

"Where's Mom?" She set her briefcase down and walked toward the kitchen. "And why are you here?"

"It would make more sense if you switched those questions around." Xander lifted Connor onto his shoulders and followed her. He noticed her dirty look and swallowed. "Your mom and dad are at the hospital for his checkup. They asked me to watch the little guy here, since they're going to be gone for a while. Okay?"

"And I suppose they promised that I'd make you dinner for watching him?" Willow pulled the refrigerator open and grabbed the dishes that her mother had prepared.

Xander shrugged, sending Connor into a bouncing fit. "I think I deserve it." He grabbed the little boy's waist and lowered him to the floor. "Come on, big guy. We're going to get out of your Mom's way and go look for buried treasure in the back yard."

He squealed in delight and ran to the door. Willow's voice stopped him. "Connor? Get your coat."

"But Moooommmmm…."

"Now, or you stay in."

He pouted as he stomped his way into the foyer. "Xander too?"

"Xander too." Willow turned her back, afraid if she saw his face; she'd burst into laughter. Xander grumbled and made his way into the foyer as well. Both returned, coats in hand. Willow sank to her knees in front of her son and helped him into the light jacket. Slipping the zipper into place, she zipped it up, ending the ritual by planting a kiss on his nose. "Have fun."

"Xander too!" Connor insisted.

Willow stood and stared at her friend. He held the coat out to her. "Xander too," he smiled.

Helping him slip into the coat, she hooked the zipper and pulled it up to his chin. "There you go."

"Don't I get the kiss?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but it carried the weight of meaning. Licking her lips, Willow leaned forward, standing on her tiptoes to place a soft kiss on his nose. He could sense her nervousness and knew she was worried he'd turn it into a real kiss.

After a long moment, he pulled back. "We'll be outside. Call us when it's time to clean up for dinner? Or if you need help."

Willow nodded, watching them leave the room. When the door closed behind them, she leaned against the counter, trying to catch her breath. "Help." She nodded. "I'm definitely going to need some."

"Mom? Can Xander tuck me into bed?"

Willow was surprised at the tightening in her chest. "You don't want me to?"

"Maybe you could both do it?" His green eyes begged her as his lower lip slipped out into a pout. "I think it'd be fun for Xander to do it. He could tell me a story. A different story." He started nodding emphatically.

"Okay. Wash up and change and he'll be up in a minute."

Connor left the room happily. Xander glanced up from his plate at Willow's worried face. "I'm not trying to replace you in his life."

"No. You're trying to replace Oz." She turned her back to him and started the water running for dishes. She felt him come up behind her and braced herself for his touch. When it didn't come, she looked at him over her shoulder.

Xander stood there with a very serious look on his face. "I know that you don't want me in your life like that, Willow. I'm just trying to be there for him. I know what it's like to grow up without a father who does stuff with you. I just don't want him to have to suffer through that. I'm not trying to replace Oz."

"Yes, you are." She rubbed her temples. "Which, to be honest, I'm not sure is a bad thing. He needs a father. But Xander, I don't want him to think of anyone like that except the man I'm going to marry. If I find someone else, I don't want him to think that person is trying to kick you out of his life."

"Are…are you seeing someone else?" His voice was soft, almost dangerous.

"No. But that doesn't mean that I won't at some point. Right now, I'm trying to get my life back on track. You're trying to make my son fall in love with you in some misguided attempt to make me fall in love with you. And the only person that's going to hurt in the long run is Connor."

"Xander! I'm ready for bed!" Connor's voice drifted down the stairway.

"I'm sorry you think that's the only reason I'm doing this. I thought you knew me." Xander left the room, heading upstairs.

Willow sighed heavily. "Damn it." She pressed her hands to her eyes, hoping to stop the hot tears that threatened. Why was this all so hard? She pushed away from the counter and followed Xander.

"Xander?" Connor's voice was soft and unsure. "Are you gonna be my new daddy?"

And he thought Willow's comments were hard to handle. "I don't know, Connor. That would mean that your mommy would have to love and marry me. And I don't know that she's going to do that. But I'll always be your friend. And I'll always be here for you."

"I want you to be my daddy. You're here all the time anyways. Why shouldn't you be?"

Tucking the blanket tighter around him, Xander sighed. "There's a little more to being a daddy than that. Being a daddy means loving your mommy and you…"

"Don't you?"

"Yes, I do," he admitted. "But it also means your mommy has to love me and I don't think that's going to happen."

"Oh." He paused to think for a moment. "Can't you make her? Or maybe I could?"

"No. I'm afraid you can't make someone love you, no matter how much you might want to." He looked up from Connor's gaze to gaze at the picture of him and Willow that sat on her beside table. "I knew a girl once who tried to make me see that she loved me and I never saw it until it was too late. But she couldn't make me love her when she needed me to."

"What happened?"

"She married somebody else."

"Did she live happily ever after?" His voice was heavy with sleep.

"Eventually." Xander leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "She will."

"Night, Xander."

"Night, Connor." He stood and started to leave the room, surprised to see Willow standing in the doorway. He smiled at her and motioned her out into the hall. When the door was closed, he leaned against the wall. "Are you mad?"

She shook her head. "No. You want to help me do the dishes? And maybe talk?"

"I'd like that."