Her eyes wandered around the darkened room as hundreds of memories of time spent here with Xander flashed through her brain. < This is where Xander decapitated my stolen Barbie. He hung her head from his light switch for years afterwards… This is where we huddled together against the closet monster when we were four… This bed is where I held Xander when he cried when his parents got divorced and his dad left… > The thoughts swam in her head aimlessly, one after another. She didn't fully realize how intertwined their lives were until they were forced to BE each other. < And no one noticed the difference. What does that say about us? >

At dinner, Willow's own parents had no idea their demure daughter was actually sitting across from her body. It wasn't just because they had no reason to assume their daughter's soul or essence or whatever it was called was stuck elsewhere - Xander had acted so much like her that it scared her. And, at the same time, she found herself acting more like he normally did. Cracking jokes, eating like a horse, and just being generally louder. It was WAAAY spooky.

Of course, she'd spent years studying Xander and knew how to pull it off. During all those years she'd had a crush on him she'd memorized his every gesture and had gotten to know every nuance of his personality. What shocked her was how well HE could tone himself down and act like her when he needed to. She had no idea he'd paid so much attention to how she acted. That he'd paid so much attention to HER.

The phone rang beside the bed, startling her and making her jump. She grabbed it before it could ring a second time. "Hello?"

"Hey Will," Buffy's voice greeted her through the phone line. "How're you doing?"

Willow sat up in the bed and turned on Xander's bedside lamp. "Okay, I guess, all things considered. How was patrol?"

"Not bad. Dusted two vamps. Broke a nail. The usual." Buffy sighed on her end of the line. "Is Xander's mom home yet? I saw her car wasn't there on my way home."

"Um, no," Willow replied. "She, uh, called and said she was spending the night at ..a…friend's house."

Buffy sighed again. "It's not that guy from the grocery store is it? 'Cuz Xander's mom dating a guy who sells food for a living could be a sign of a new apocalypse."

Willow smiled into the phone on her end. "She didn't elaborate, and I didn't ask."

"You want me to come and sleep over there? So you're not alone?" Buffy offered.

Willow seriously contemplated the offer for a few moments. But if Buffy came over, she might run into more vamps on the way, and it really was silly to be uncomfortable in the house she'd practically grown up in. "No. I'm fine. I just need to get some sleep so when we switch back tomorrow I don't give Xander back a worn out body. I think he'd be kinda ticked with me."

Buffy laughed. "Okay. If you're sure."

"I'm sure," Willow affirmed again. "Thanks for calling and checking on me though."

"No prob. 'Night Will."

"G'night Buffy."

Willow gently set the receiver back down and put the phone on the night table. "I'll be fine," she repeated to the empty house.

Xander was looking in all of Willow's dresser drawers when the phone rang, startling him. He scrambled over the bed and to the phone on Willow's desk. "Hello?"

"Xander, it's Buffy."

"Oh, hey Buffy," Xander smiled. "Whatcha doin'?"

"I was just talking to Willow and I thought you might want to call her. Your mom kinda ditched her and she's gonna be alone tonight."

Xander sighed and gripped the phone tighter in frustration. < Trust Mom to bail when we need her around >. "Is she okay?"

"She says she is, but she sounds a little down. You always cheer her up. Why don't you give her a call?"

"Yeah, I will. I better go. Thanks, Buff."

"'Night, Xander," Buffy said, yawning as she hung up the phone.

Xander replaced the phone on the desk and pondered his next course of action. He suddenly felt guilty for exploring Willow's closet. And bathroom and desk and dresser… He sighed. < I suck. > He looked out to Willow's balcony and decided that maybe he should sneak out and go keep her company. No one deserved to be alone AND in the wrong body. < We've snuck out lots of times. I know the drill .> He pulled on a pair of leggings and a baggy sweatshirt as he thought of all the other jail-breaks they had made as kids from her room. It was a fairly normal occurrence for him to spend the night at her house when they were younger. His parents were frequently fighting and didn't want him around.

Later, after the divorce, there were many nights when his mother didn't want to come home and didn't want him to be alone. The Rosenbergs kindly took him whenever she asked them to. When he and Willow were eight, in a fit of mischief, (or, more accurately, Xander convinced Willow they wouldn't get caught), they snuck out one night to buy ice cream. It was past their bedtime of nine, and they'd taken money from Willow's piggy bank before putting on pants and jackets and walking to the yogurt shop. They'd gorged themselves on four cones before they returned to Willow's house and snuck back in. Xander still marveled at how Mr. and Mrs. Rosenberg never asked about the ice cream stains all over their night clothes. That was the first of many break-outs for ice cream, the arcade, the park, Jesse's treehouse - whatever struck their fancy that night. He shook his head slightly at the memory. < If we knew then that vampires were real… It's a wonder we weren't killed >

The vampires brought up another problem. He'd need some protective gear if he was going to walk over to his house at this hour. He frowned as he realized that he hadn't come across any stakes or holy water or even a cross during his exploration. He spun around, eyes searching the room for a probable hiding place. < I guess she stashes her stuff under the bed .> He got down on his hands and knees and looked under the bed. He could see a few boxes so he reached under and pulled the first one out. He opened it and sat back on his heels to examine its contents. < Schoolwork? > His eyes widened as he pulled out marked papers and essays from the box. < Did she ever get anything besides an 'A'? > He frowned at the stacks of papers with smiley faces and gold stars before closing the lid. He reached under for the second box and flipped it open.

He smiled and cocked his head to one side as he spotted the big picture of he and Willow at the top of the box. The picture wasn't very old, taken by Jesse a few weeks before Buffy had come to town. They were on sitting the front steps to the school, and he had his head on her shoulder as they grinned happily for the camera. He put the picture aside and pulled out a small stack of envelopes tied together with a ribbon. He was about to put that aside as well when Willow's script on the top envelope caught his eye. The letter was addressed to him.

His brow furrowed as he untied the ribbon and opened the envelope. He began to read, eyes widening as he scanned the words written on the page.

*Dear Xander, Today I caught you kissing Cordelia. If anyone ever asks, I know the exact moment my heart broke for the first time. I'll never forget it. It was the moment I finally realized that you don't want me. How stupid can one person be? I've watched you obsess about Janie, Erin, and even Buffy over the last few years, hoping every night as I went to sleep that tomorrow you'd turn and look at me and… And what? Finally realize you love me, I suppose. But today I found out that was never going to happen. Cordelia! Cordelia Chase! I'm not sure which hurts more. The fact that you're with her, or the fact that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. I still can't believe it! But I guess the sharp ache in my heart is proof enough. It's weird, Xander. It's really weird when you first realize that someone else's happiness has become more important than your own. It means you're totally in love. You can fall in love without ever even kissing. Did you know that? Love makes your heart beat faster and your senses spin and puts a silly grin on your face. Do you feel that for her? The girl who hated us and teased us and pushed me down the stairs in fourth grade? Do you love her Xander? You know, for so long I've practically been living to watch you smile. Your happiness is more important to me than mine. That's why I helped so many times with advice on girls and stuff. And it never even mattered if you never loved me back, because I couldn't stop feeling this way if I tried. But now I know I've got to try to move on. I hope you'll forgive me for all those things I said in the hallway after I ran out. I couldn't stand to lose your friendship too. Which is why I'm going to just go back to the school now. I'll go back and I'll watch you with HER, and I'll smile and laugh and be your best friend because it makes you happy. God, what a life I have to look forward to! I'm not even sure I want to save the world from the Judge anymore. No wait. I AM sure I want to save the world from the Judge - I still couldn't stand it if anything ever happened to you. I just love you too much. But you want her. And now I understand that there'll never be anything between us more than friendship. How plain did it have to be made for me to see it? Apparently you had to love the girl who hates me the most. It feels like you're not even on my side anymore. I'm going to miss you. I guess this'll be my last letter to you. I need to learn to move on. I need to get past you. What else can I say? Nothing I've said or done so far has made any difference. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Bye Xand. Love always, your Willow.*

Xander couldn't breathe. The depth of the emotions struck him in the heart like one of Buffy's crossbow bolts. < She loves me! LOVES loves, not just crush or strong like. > He grabbed the stack and flipped through the next few letters. < Can't ever tell you….You'll probably never see this….Wish you would notice me… > He read the words on the page in a daze, unable to absorb them all or the strong emotions behind them. His heart contracted as he noticed the tear marks on quite a few of the pages. "Oh Willow…" He grabbed the next envelope on the stack and slid his finger under the flap, opening it. < Today you rambled on about kissing Janie…Can't believe you used me a practice girl for asking her out…You'd never believe the thrill it gives me even though I know you're only pretending…Why can't I say anything? > He opened letter after letter, scanning the contents quickly. They all said pretty much the same thing. How she was frustrated at her shyness. How she wanted to tell him how she felt. How much she LOVED him. How she would never have the courage to tell him. And how much it hurt her while he chased numerous other girls. Xander leaned back against the bed and fought the tears coming to his eyes. He'd never wanted to hurt Willow. NEVER. But that's exactly what he'd done. < If only I'd known. I'm the selfish idiot who broke Willow's heart for the first time. > That thought sent the tears he had been keeping at bay over the edge of his eyes. She had always put other people's feelings ahead of her own, but Xander never realized she was doing it with him, too. < I should have known it was more than a little crush. Willow never feels anything half-way. I am such a doofus. >

Tears made their way slowly down his cheeks as he thought of Willow feeling so much for him while he trampled all over her feelings. He smiled through his tears as he recalled the story their parents told of the first day they met. They were very small. Xander was running wild at the playground, torturing the other toddlers and laughing when his eyes came to rest upon a serious tiny girl with long red braids. Immediately he forgot his shovel of sand he was intending to dump down a smaller girl's shirt. The red-haired girl had been watching him, standing close to the sandbox he was ransacking. Without a word, he'd dropped his shovel and approached the little girl. She'd studied him carefully as he approached, almost sizing him up. When he was standing in front of her, he smiled tentatively, seeing if he could coax a smile from the girl. < She looked so serious. I wanted to her to smile .> She just continued to stare at him in fascination. He reached forward and slowly tugged on a braid. She cocked her head to one side and kept staring. < Her smile would mean everything. How did I know that then? > Xander let go of her braid and flicked at it, making it bounce wildly around her ear. Her wide green eyes regarded him with a mixture of curiosity and anger. < He wanted to take the anger away, take care of this girl and make sure no one ever hurt her. >

He then grinned and pulled her into a fierce hug. It was his way of apologizing and showing the sudden affection he felt for his new friend. That's when she moved. She smiled and she clung to him tightly. They stayed that way for several minutes, hugging each other and occasionally drawing back to stare at each other some more. It was if they had found the other half of themselves and didn't want to be separated again. He still didn't know what had compelled him to hug that little girl who had become his best friend. He'd just wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to smile. He wanted her to like him. < Willow's happiness was more important than mine. Love at first sight? > The two children screamed bloody murder when their parents tried to separate them. The two families ended up going to dinner together, and the infamous friendship was born. In fact, it was Willow who had given him his name. She couldn't say 'Alexander' and 'Xander' just stuck. Soon, he wouldn't answer to anything but Willow's name for him. < Maybe some things ARE meant to be, Willow, and a stupid male, who's afraid to love you because everyone he loves forgets him, gets in the way. >

He hurriedly stuffed the letters back in their appropriate envelopes and retied the ribbon. He had to go talk to Willow. < Where's she keep the damn stakes? > He reached for the last box and sighed with relief as he found stakes, holy water, garlic and a few crosses inside. He stuffed a jar of holy water and a cross into the wide pocket in the front of the sweatshirt and then tucked a stake in the waistband of the leggings. He replaced the boxes under the bed and opened Willow's door quietly, preparing to jog over to his house as fast as possible.

Willow had given up on trying to sleep and started to clean Xander's room.. She had gathered all his dirty clothes and started washing them before taking a dust rag to every surface in the room. She collected his discarded books and replaced them neatly on the bookshelf. The totally gross scraps of half-eaten food had been packed into a garbage bag. < I can't believe I actually considered eating that piece of Hawaiian pizza…I SO need to get back to my body. > She sighed as she surveyed her handiwork.. < It's only one in the morning and I've already uncovered the floor. How am I going to spend the rest of the night? > She made her way down the hall to the closet, looking for a vacuum cleaner. She found one and lugged it back to Xander's room, muttering under her breath at the weight of the ancient machine. She turned it on and jumped back at the deafening roar the machine elicited. Then she began vacuuming with vigor, checking the attachments before shoving the hose under the bed and hoping for the best..

Xander looked at his house with distaste. He was still disgusted that his mother had ditched him. Willow. Them. He could see his bedroom light on, but the rest of the house was dark. < So she's still up, then. > He walked up to the door and reached for his pocket before he realized that he didn't have a key to this house anymore. Willow would've had it. He threw his red hair over his shoulder impatiently and rang the doorbell. Then he waited. And waited. And waited. He rang again and began knocking, stepping up on tiptoe to look through the door's small window for shadows and shapes. "C'mon Will, I'm in vamp territory here, with your body. I thought you'd like it back un-punctured," he muttered under his breath. < Vamp territory. Maybe something's happened to her! Maybe my body's toast! If ANYTHING's happened to her… >

Xander abandoned the door and sprinted around to the back of the house. He climbed onto the barbecue, balancing precariously for a moment before hauling himself up on top of the shed beside the patio. From the shed, he reached over to the low roof of the house and grunted as he struggled to pull himself onto it quickly. < You'd think someone so little would be easier to lug around. > Once on the roof, he began making his way over to his window, careful not to slide on the roof's shingles with Willow's unfamiliar sneakers on his now-unfamiliar feet. He leaned over and looked in the window - only to see a sight that would have stopped his mother's heart completely. To the casual observer, it would have appeared that Xander was happily vacuuming his room. He wanted to laugh with relief. But instead felt the overwhelming urge to just hug her like that first day they'd met and reassure himself that she was okay. He began shouting and pounding on the window, which scared her into screaming and fleeing from the room. < Greeaaaat .> He sat down to wait for her to come back.

< Vampire on the roof! Vampire on the roof! > Willow ran around in a panic, not sure where she had put the stakes and holy water she'd found in Xander's closet while cleaning earlier. < Calm down. Maybe it's gone away. >

The roaring sound of the discarded vacuum filled the air. She sidled back up to Xander's bedroom doorway and cautiously peered in the crack of the door. There was still a shadowy figure out the window. < Or maybe not. > She scanned the room with her eyes, finally noting the jar of holy water on the dresser. She looked at the window again and tried to decide what to do. She crouched low to the floor and estimated the distance to the dresser. < Maybe four feet .> She could get in, grab the jar, and be outta there in seconds. < What if it comes through the window? > She bit her lip, considering her options. < I think I can be reasonably sure Xander never invited a vamp into the house, but what about Mrs. Harris? > She checked the window again. The shadow was still there. Taking a deep breath, she bolted into the room - only to tangle Xander's long feet in the vacuum cleaner hose. She began falling with alarming speed. As she hit the ground with a thud, she covered her head and waited for the sound of breaking glass to mingle with the noise the vacuum was making. When the noise didn't come, she peeked out between her hands at the window. Her own Willow-face stared back hopefully. She let her arms fall to her sides as she breathed out a sigh of relief. She lay there for a few moments, calming her racing heart before she stood and turned off the vacuum. Then she went to open the window.

"Xander, you scared me to death!" she accused as she lifted the window for him to climb in.

"I kinda noticed. You're gonna have a bruise on my butt right there," he said, indicating a spot that was already tender to her senses. She glared at him and sat down on the bed. He surveyed the cleaned room in silence for a few moments. "Bored?"

Willow shifted uncomfortably on the bed. "Something like that."

He sat down beside her and sighed. "Why'd you have to dust, Will? Now my Mom's gonna know for sure I've been possessed."

Willow giggled and the tension eased from her shoulders in a big wave. Now that Xander was here, this house seemed like the right place to be.