"Uh huh," he replied. "She was worried about you being alone."

"I would've been fine-" she began to protest.

"I'm NOT fine with it though!" he interrupted, startling her with the force of his words. She visibly flinched at the emotion and ferocity behind the words. He took a deep breath and offered her a half-smile to show he wasn't angry with her. "I don't want you to be alone. It would have made me unhappy to think of you all by yourself here, so.. I.. just.. came over." < And I dug through all your personal belongings and found out you love me. Wanna talk about it? >

Willow smiled at him, quietly showing her appreciation of his actions in coming to stay with her. "Well, I'm glad you're here." She glanced at the big clock on his dresser. "It's 1:30. We should get some sleep." She bit her lip and moved to the side of the bed as if she were about to stand.

"Where are you going?" Xander asked, slightly panicked. He had no idea how to start the conversation he so desperately wanted to have with her.

"I was gonna sleep in the guest room, you know, because it is your bed and all…" She trailed off uncertainly as she examined the look in his eyes. He may be in her body, but he still made her eyes speak volumes about his emotions. "What is it? What's wrong?" She sank back onto the bed, ready to listen for however long it took for him to tell her.

Xander examined his own worried face as she sat back down. "I, uh, I-" He stopped, unable to say anything coherent for a few moments. This conversation was going to be important. How could he tell his best friend that he suddenly saw her in a whole new light? How could he tell her how much she meant to him? How he'd always thought she was pretty and smart and kind and way too good hang around with him? He sighed. He didn't want to screw it up. "Do you remember when we met?" he asked suddenly.

Willow furrowed her brow for a moment. < This is going to be a big one >. The times Xander was serious were few and far between, but they always started with that question. She looked at him indulgently. "We were too young to remember, Xander. But we've heard the play-by-play so many times I feel like I remember it." She paused for a minute. "Can you imagine what would have happened if you didn't hug me like that?" Her eyes began to cloud over at the notion. "All the things we would have missed…"

He reached forward and lightly touched her cheek. "We coulda been spared some of the bad stuff too. Like this for instance," he quipped, gesturing at their bodies and smiling slightly as she laughed. "And you wouldn't have had to do my homework for ten years."

"Well, you wouldn't have gotten that black eye from Jeremy for standing up for me in first grade," she added.

He shrugged. "I suppose we both got the short end of the stick once in a while. But I wouldn't have missed being the best friend of that little serious red-haired girl for anything, Wills."

She smiled though her eyes shone with tears. "Me either. I wouldn't have missed being your best friend for any of it."

He nodded, showing her he understood. < But I would have skipped all of it to keep from hurting you like I did >. He sighed, trying to think of how to phrase what he wanted to say.

"Xander, just say it!" she pleaded, grabbing one of his hands. "You're making yourself crazy!"

He regarded her with serious eyes for a second. "Only you would know that. You know that, right?"

She nodded her head impatiently, trying to get him to get to the point. He squeezed her hand. "Did you ever wonder if some things are meant to be?"

Her eyes narrowed and she cocked her head slightly. "Like what?"

"Like... Like this." He summoned all his courage and focused on her lips.

She stared in confusion and anxiety as Xander did something with Willow's body that she had always been too afraid to do. He brought one hand around to the back of her head and pulled their faces close together. < He's going to kiss me! But he's me and I'm him and -- > She felt the warmth of his breath on her cheek and instantly lost her train of thought. She closed her eyes at the feelings his soft breathing was causing to stir in the pit of her stomach. She felt Xander brush his lips across hers tentatively, and then meet them with more urgency, but with such tenderness that her heart responded instinctively. It felt like she was finally home after a lifetime away. < Perfect. I feel whole. Why didn't we do this sooner? > She reached forward and placed a hand on his cheek as the kiss deepened.

Xander's eyes had been closed as he approached Willow's face slowly, but they flew open as their lips met. < This is perfect. We fit perfectly. Why didn't I see it sooner? > Fireworks dimly made themselves heard in his ears and he could feel his blood racing under his skin. < I feel like I've found something I'd lost. I feel like I've finally found a home. >

Willow pulled back suddenly as reason fought its way to the front of her brain. "Xander!"

"What?" he asked, panicked that he'd done the wrong thing. That she was going to hate him.

"We can't."

"Why not?" he asked, feeling his heart sink to his toes. "I know you love me and I-"

"What makes you think that?" she demanded, her head snapping up and her eyes locking on his.

< Uh-oh. The stare. She's gonna know if I lie. I am SO busted. > "I.. uh.. Willow, I'm sorry," he blurted out suddenly. "I was looking for stakes and stuff under your bed and I found a box…" He trailed off as her face drained of all color.

"You found the box. You found the letters." It was an accusation, not a question.

He nodded dumbly.

"Look, Xander, I wrote those a long time ago-"

"I know that Will," he paused and gently grabbed her chin, turning her shaded eyes to his own. "But even so you can't deny what just happened with that kiss. I mean that kiss was -"

"Perfect," she finished for him glumly.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I read a couple of the letters, and I know you're mad at me for invading your privacy like that, but I'm so glad I did. Those letters really opened my eyes to everything I'd been missing. To everything we could be. Will?"

She raised her eyes to his again expectantly, waiting for him to finish. "I actually remember when we first met. I know you think it's crazy, but that moment defined my whole life, and I never forgot the way you looked as you watched me. You looked so thoughtful and solemn, and I just wanted you to laugh. It was as if …as if… If I made you smile, I would be okay, no matter what. If you liked me, I would a worthwhile person. You defined for me what friendship could be. I wanted you to be happy. I didn't care about me or my parents or the other kids - I just wanted YOU to be happy. Your happiness was more important than my own."

He stopped as she absorbed his words and made the connection between what he said and her last letter to him. < My happiness was more important. He always loved me in his way .>

"Xander," she began, stopping when she realized that she was about to cry and the words would die before they reached her lips.

Xander stepped in to continue his speech. "That's why I hugged you, Wills. To make you smile. To make you happy. And so that you wouldn't get away. I wanted you in my life, even then. I mean, when I think of everything you've done for me through the years. During the divorce and all… I've been a terrible friend."

Willow choked on the sob she'd been holding and folded him close to her as she cried for a few minutes. Xander felt his own eyes spill over with tears as he hugged her back tightly. "No you haven't. No you haven't," she murmured brokenly over and over again. "You're my best friend. No one knows me like you do. I LOVE being your friend."

"Will?"

"Yeah?"

"When I read that letter about me and Cordy, I felt like such an idiot. Even more than normal. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I think I somehow always had the idea in the back of my mind that we would someday fall in love, I just didn't know it would be so soon for you."

She pulled back to look at him. "I'm sorry."

"NO! Don't you EVER apologize for your feelings. If anyone should spend the rest of their life apologizing, it's me. Will, I read that letter, and I was so ashamed. I love you more than anybody. I always thought it was a best-friend-little-sister kind of love, but when I read that letter, I couldn't think of anything except about how I'd hurt you when all along I've known I could someday feel the same way. Someday I could love you like that. I think I already love you deep inside. I've just been burying it. Somewhere in my stupid head I thought that if I acknowledged that I love you, then you would be like…them."

Willow blinked back tears as she instantly realized that he meant his parents. The people who had forgotten he existed so often. Who had left him behind time and time again. Who loved him back only when it was convenient. That was part of the reason she had bonded so closely with Xander over the years. She felt such empathy for other people. She knew how much he wanted to be loved. So she tried to love him enough to make up for his parents. "Xander, I couldn't-"

"Will, the thing is - I think we're worth the chance. I know you'd never forget me. I know you'll always be there for me. I know you'll always love me, no matter how remarkably stupid I've been that day," he finished softly, holding her hand tightly in his. "We've been through so much together. There has to be a reason why we clung together like that when we met. There has to be a reason why I found those letters today. Maybe the Hellmouth's mystical whatzit is finally trying to tell us something good. I think that we should try to be together. We owe it to ourselves to find out. I think that maybe we are meant to be."

"No," she disagreed softly.

"No?"

"What's meant to be right now are Willow and Oz and Xander and Cordelia."

"So you're saying…"

"I'm saying that you're right. I still love you. I'll always love you. As a friend and as something more. But I'm also in love Oz and you're in love with Cordelia." He opened his mouth to protest, but she silenced his with a finger on his lips. "You do love her, I can tell. There's a reason why we fell in love with them. And that's why we're meant to leave things the way they are right now."

"So there's no chance for us then? I missed my chance with you and that's it?" He felt the terror of a life without Willow seize his heart in an icy grip.

"I didn't say that either! Look, Xand, I have a feeling that someday, there will be a time where we're meant to be together. It's just not now.."

"So, you're saying the kiss was like a preview for the future?"

She rolled her eyes. "If you want to think of it that way, fine. We're friends now. Good friends. BEST friends. And I love you and I know that you love me. And someday we may be able to BE IN LOVE. But for now, we're just friends."

He nodded, knowing in his heart that she was right. < She's always right. > "Okay. So then plan is we'll just forget this happened tonight and wait and see what happens."

She arched her eyebrow and said in a very un-Willow-like tone, "We'll wait and see, but don't you dare forget that kiss."

Xander's mouth dropped open in surprise and then he laughed. Willow laughed as well and stood. She began walking to the door. "Wait, Will."

"Yeah?"

"Stay here. I came over so we could be together. There's nothing wrong with two very old best friends sharing a bed for the night." She looked at him uncertainly, but he could tell she was close to giving in. He scampered under the blankets and folded them back so she could see there was enough room for them both easily. "Besides," he added. "I'm stuck in your body, and you're stuck in mine. How much more intimate could we possibly get?"

That decided it. She laughed and crossed the room, climbing in beside him. "Okay. But no funny stuff, mister."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he sighed, settling his small head into the crook in her shoulder. She reached for the bedside lamp and turned it off. "Not for little while, anyway," he added. She soundly smacked him on the back of the head in the darkness.

"Ow! Okay, you know that's hurting you more than it's hurting me, right?"